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Posts Tagged ‘Church of England’

Wonga.com offers to ‘save souls’

lie now, pray laterPayday loan company Wonga has hastily announced plans to diversify and offer unsecured ‘high-cost salvation’ in response to the Archbishop of Canterbury’s recent decision to offer Church of England payday loans.

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Posted: Jul 29th, 2014
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Church men opposed female bishops because ‘they look better in purple dresses’

With the Church of England voting to allow women bishops, a group from the catholic side of the church have admitted they are against the idea on the grounds that ‘a woman would pull off wearing these dresses better than us’ and are a threat to their femininity.

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Posted: Jul 15th, 2014
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Elderly Bishops approaching death suddenly see ‘wiggle room’ with right to die

Despite the word of God being ‘absolute’, senior retired members of the clergy are increasingly of the opinion that the gospel is less a set of rules but more of a ‘guideline stroke cryptic crossword’. Specifically, the previously opposed Assisted Dying Bill is receiving ringing endorsements from ex-Bishops who are coincidently ‘feeling under the weather’, en route to a care home and nearing the ‘episcopal glue factory’.

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Posted: Jul 13th, 2014
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Image of a piece of toast seen on face of the Virgin Mary

‘The amazing thing is that it was just like the one I had had for breakfast.’

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Posted: Dec 27th, 2013
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Archbishop ‘embarrassed’ to find Satan is former employee of God

‘Payroll records show that a Mr Lucifer Satan was formerly employed as an angel for Heaven Plc,’ admitted a spokesman for the Archbishop of Canterbury.

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Posted: Jul 29th, 2013
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