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Posts Tagged ‘Church of England’

Terror threat raised as Cotswolds Vicar declares Church of England Caliphate

The truth will set you free. What faith will do, nobody really knows...With much of the world distracted by the campaign against ISIS in the Middle East, Britain faces a new home-grown terror threat, after Stow-In- the-Wold vicar Jeremy Blythe pronounced an independent Anglican Caliphate stretching across much of rural Oxfordshire.

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Posted: Nov 19th, 2014
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Wonga.com offers to ‘save souls’

lie now, pray laterPayday loan company Wonga has hastily announced plans to diversify and offer unsecured ‘high-cost salvation’ in response to the Archbishop of Canterbury’s recent decision to offer Church of England payday loans.

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Posted: Jul 29th, 2014
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Church men opposed female bishops because ‘they look better in purple dresses’

With the Church of England voting to allow women bishops, a group from the catholic side of the church have admitted they are against the idea on the grounds that ‘a woman would pull off wearing these dresses better than us’ and are a threat to their femininity.

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Posted: Jul 15th, 2014
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Elderly Bishops approaching death suddenly see ‘wiggle room’ with right to die

Despite the word of God being ‘absolute’, senior retired members of the clergy are increasingly of the opinion that the gospel is less a set of rules but more of a ‘guideline stroke cryptic crossword’. Specifically, the previously opposed Assisted Dying Bill is receiving ringing endorsements from ex-Bishops who are coincidently ‘feeling under the weather’, en route to a care home and nearing the ‘episcopal glue factory’.

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Posted: Jul 13th, 2014
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Image of a piece of toast seen on face of the Virgin Mary

‘The amazing thing is that it was just like the one I had had for breakfast.’

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Posted: Dec 27th, 2013
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