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Posts Tagged ‘Church of England’

‘Refuse to pay our loans back and I’ll give you arse cancer’, warns God

Following the Archbishop’s plans to ‘take down’ payday lender Wonga by offering people an alternative, the Church of England have released the first promotional video for its new ‘revolutionary credit facility’ today, featuring the Almighty God himself, who claims their punishments for late payments will be ‘much more severe’ than Wonga’s, ensuring nobody will ‘even dare get into debt’.

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Posted: Jul 26th, 2013
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Theatre regrets hiring former Archbishop of Canterbury for pantomime season

'It's all behind you! Oh no it is!'‘It was a baptism of fire for all of us,’ admitted Communications Manager, Kate Raines, reflecting upon hiring former Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, for this year’s pantomime Aladdin at the Theatre Royal, in Winchester.

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Posted: Jan 11th, 2013
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World Chess Federation changes rules for bishops

From now on, bishops may not ‘take’ other bishops in the diagonal fashion we are used to seeing.

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Posted: Jan 8th, 2013
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Bedroom cameras to monitor celibacy of gay bishops

paid for by generous donations in the collection plateSecurity cameras are being installed in the bedrooms of Britain’s openly gay bishops to ensure that they adhere to the strict new celibacy rules imposed by the Church of England.

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Posted: Jan 6th, 2013
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Catholic church split over ordination of women paedophiles

nothing even remotely phallocentric going on hereThe Catholic church is facing the most significant threat to its unity in generations as progressives call on the Vatican to advance the cause of gender equality and allow women paedophiles to be ordained as Catholic priests.

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Posted: Jan 1st, 2013
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