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Posts Tagged ‘Church of England’

Elderly Bishops approaching death suddenly see ‘wiggle room’ with right to die

Despite the word of God being ‘absolute’, senior retired members of the clergy are increasingly of the opinion that the gospel is less a set of rules but more of a ‘guideline stroke cryptic crossword’. Specifically, the previously opposed Assisted Dying Bill is receiving ringing endorsements from ex-Bishops who are coincidently ‘feeling under the weather’, en route to a care home and nearing the ‘episcopal glue factory’.

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Posted: Jul 13th, 2014
More from Faith



Archbishop ‘embarrassed’ to find Satan is former employee of God

‘Payroll records show that a Mr Lucifer Satan was formerly employed as an angel for Heaven Plc,’ admitted a spokesman for the Archbishop of Canterbury.

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Posted: Jul 29th, 2013
More from News In Brief



‘Refuse to pay our loans back and I’ll give you arse cancer’, warns God

Following the Archbishop’s plans to ‘take down’ payday lender Wonga by offering people an alternative, the Church of England have released the first promotional video for its new ‘revolutionary credit facility’ today, featuring the Almighty God himself, who claims their punishments for late payments will be ‘much more severe’ than Wonga’s, ensuring nobody will ‘even dare get into debt’.

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Posted: Jul 26th, 2013
More from News In Brief



Theatre regrets hiring former Archbishop of Canterbury for pantomime season

'It's all behind you! Oh no it is!'‘It was a baptism of fire for all of us,’ admitted Communications Manager, Kate Raines, reflecting upon hiring former Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, for this year’s pantomime Aladdin at the Theatre Royal, in Winchester.

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Posted: Jan 11th, 2013
More from Arts/Entertainment



World Chess Federation changes rules for bishops

From now on, bishops may not ‘take’ other bishops in the diagonal fashion we are used to seeing.

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Posted: Jan 8th, 2013
More from News In Brief