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Posts Tagged ‘Church’

Fat cat food bank boss urged to return ‘bonus’ baked beans

‘It’s not right,’ said parishioner Wendy Wood who attends the Rev Smith’s church. ‘OK, he helps out on Saturday morning, but why should he get a fat bonus? I’m quite partial to the Co-op’s beans myself.’

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Posted: Feb 20th, 2013
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Homeless urge rethink on gay marriage

Recently divorced, homeless, unemployed 56-year-old Tory activist Jason Beesley from Gosport said that the hope of not seeing gays kissing in church was the only thing making his life worthwhile.

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Posted: Feb 7th, 2013
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Christian festival to be moved to avoid clash with Christmas

Satanic market forces at work‘In hindsight choosing 25th December was a mistake. We thought it would be a great time to have the festival – practically everyone’s off work for Christmas and the schools are closed. But in reality people are far too busy eating too much, getting pissed, trying to cop off at office parties and watching the My Family Christmas special.’

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Posted: Dec 8th, 2011
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God denies prayer-response targets have been missed

‘Almighty’ God has admitted to being ‘a bit behind’ with his workload, but denies that the stringent turnaround targets He was originally committed to have been missed.

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Posted: Dec 14th, 2010
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God ends sponsorship deal with Catholic Church

In a fresh blow to the Catholic Church’s fortunes, God has today announced He is to end the lucrative sponsorship deal that has been the organisation’s financial mainstay for nearly 2000 years.

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Posted: Apr 17th, 2010
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