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Posts Tagged ‘CIA’

Stopping torture not yet on US’s New Year resolution list

Might take a run on 1st Jan to burn some fat insteadDespite years of promising to cut back on excessive water-boarding binges, the US is reluctant to add torture to its list of ‘Do Nots’ for 2015. Like most people in January, the CIA’s counter-terrorism unit was expected to give up on auditory abuse, sleep deprivation and chocolate. Current US resolutions include not employing Piers Morgan, not supporting affordable health care and not shooting black teenagers, although the last point is more of a guideline than a resolution.

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Posted: Dec 20th, 2014
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Clinton looking forward to ‘a massive cigar’

might still smoke it out in that quiet little room with no cameras...Former President Bill Clinton has greeted with delight the news that Americans might be allowed to import Cuban cigars legally after President Obama announced plans to normalise relations between the two countries. ‘I have had some enormous cigars in the past,’ he told the Washington Post. ‘As a young man these were totally huge. Many of my friends and colleagues will remember just how big these totally legal large cylindrical male-oriented objects were.’

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Posted: Dec 18th, 2014
More from World News



Torturers and torture victims to be tortured until they tell truth about torture

truth will out, with a bit of help...After revelations that the CIA used ‘enhanced interrogation techniques’ to torture prisoners, it has emerged that British forces may have to be tortured to see if they admit to having taken part in similar practices after 9/11 and during recent Middle East wars. The army believes that, unpalatable though it is, this may be the only way to the truth.

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Posted: Dec 15th, 2014
More from World News



Scotland missing; CIA snatch squad suspected

Alec Salmond also nowhere to be seenScotland has been arrested by the CIA for aiding and abetting terrorists and has been spirited away to a secret interrogation centre.

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Posted: Sep 16th, 2014
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Reagan administration ‘repeatedly buggered’ Mrs Thatcher

It has emerged that American secret servicemen repeatedly buggered Mrs Thatcher on visits to the White House during the 1980s, on then President Ronald Reagan’s direct orders in what was known as Operation Short Straw. The Iron Lady herself apparently never found out, though her husband Denis is said to have known but not cared as he was buggered anyway.

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Posted: Oct 29th, 2013
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