The influence of animal rights campaigners became evident today as the government announced plans to forcibly replace animals in science experiment labs with unemployed smokers, drinkers and drug users.
Posted: Mar 25th, 2013
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‘Imagine my disappointment at finding 20 cigarettes in place of the moist tumour I’d seen advertised on TV,’ said customer Matthew Arlington.
Posted: Jan 3rd, 2013
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New election rules mean that all political manifestos will be required by law to be displayed inside plain white packets with a prominent health warning. Politicians will no longer be able to publicly advertise their manifestos and shops will be expected to keep them hidden away from view under the counter.
The tobacco industry objects to the further infringement of civil liberties by the requirement that all urinators leave swimming pools if they want to enjoy a piss.
Posted: Oct 26th, 2010
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The new gizmo consists of a column of tobacco laced with various carcinogens, bound by paper and sealed at one end by a protective filter. Users simply pop the cigarette into their ‘mouths’, light it with a ‘match’ and inhale the heady mixture of smoke and carbon monoxide into their so-called ‘lungs’.
Posted: Jun 4th, 2010
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