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Posts Tagged ‘climate change’

‘Dirty’ Fuel needs to be replaced with something ‘less smutty’ – insists UN

The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) has published a damning report on how ‘excessively crude’ oils are corrupting the young with their reliance on ‘salacious carbon-intensive’ fuels and lewd references to ‘fracking’. UN scientists now support a swift transition to ‘less risqué’ forms of energy, such as ‘natural gas’ – which although fostering scatological humour does at least lower emissions ‘without lowering the tone.’

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2014
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IPCC name man responsible for climate change

The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change has today confirmed that they are finally ready to ‘name and shame’ the man responsible for climate change.

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Posted: Apr 1st, 2014
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Absence of Fergie’s wrath ‘may lead to global cooling, possibly new ice age’

Climatologists across the globe have expressed concern that the retirement of Sir Alex Ferguson will result in temperatures being lowered across the planet. The impact of no-hairdrying on match days and the elimination of daily assaults against the BBC is expected to reduce temperatures by around 15 degrees Celsius and may lead to icebergs forming in the Red Sea.

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Posted: May 10th, 2013
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Comedy change scientists say winter ‘global warming’ jokes at historical high

‘You have to go back to the Ice Age, when the ‘it’s hot – not’ joke was all the rage, for a similar spike’ said Mr Jones.

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Posted: Dec 7th, 2012
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An open letter to the weather

‘Dear Weather. It’s sad to see you’re not well at the moment. What’s wrong? Have we done something to upset you? It’s not like you’re ignored; most conversations mention you at some point.’

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Posted: Jun 14th, 2012
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