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Posts Tagged ‘Co-op’

Co-operative Bank to become totally un-co-operative by 2015

it's mutual‘By the end of this week expect counter staff to mutter fractiously under their breaths, give wrong information and refuse to give small change, with much longer waits for telephone banking by the end of the year,’ said Laker Smythe, the Co-op’s new Chief Executive. He also announced that a growing number of call centre operators will start adopting outrageous fake Indian accents next month, though all the bank’s call centres are currently in the UK. For those waiting to talk to a customer service person, Vivaldi’s Four Seasons will be played by Rochdale Middle School Orchestra, labelled by Ofsted as ‘failing’. In Spring 2014 a recorded voice will tell waiting customers ‘Your call is of waning importance to us.’

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Posted: Oct 23rd, 2013
More from Business



Fat cat food bank boss urged to return ‘bonus’ baked beans

‘It’s not right,’ said parishioner Wendy Wood who attends the Rev Smith’s church. ‘OK, he helps out on Saturday morning, but why should he get a fat bonus? I’m quite partial to the Co-op’s beans myself.’

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Posted: Feb 20th, 2013
More from News In Brief



New Bear Grylls cookbook a surprise hit with the middle classes

The book contains favourites like ‘Freshly Squeezed Shit Drippings’ and ‘A Lizard’, and includes no nonsense instructions such as, ‘First, find some shit; fresh is best’ and ‘Grab it, grab it before it gets away’.

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Posted: Sep 17th, 2011
More from Arts/Entertainment



Women’s Institute decide ‘shop bought is cheaper and nicer’

‘A pack of double choc-chip cookies was 36p in Asda. 36 pence! And they’re crispy, crunchy, and all the same bloody size.’

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Posted: Apr 14th, 2011
More from News In Brief