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Posts Tagged ‘coalition’

M.P.s now only embarrassed by the ‘sound of pooing’

right honourable gentsAfter decades of embezzlement, corruption and ‘world-class douchebaggery’, the House of Commons has managed to eliminate shame in all but extreme circumstances. While Culture Secretary Maria Miller had to be wrestled to the ground by Black Rod and sat upon by the Deputy Speaker in order to elicit the ‘mildest apology’, other MPs have confessed to not being ‘remotely mortified’ when caught ‘farting in a lift’, ‘masturbating in front of their parents’ or ‘voting for’ any Coalition policy.

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Posted: Apr 8th, 2014
More from Politics



Criminals to police themselves

The government is to introduce self-policing for UK law breakers. Unveiling the radical new scheme, government spokesman, Maria Miller, explained; ‘The old saying is ‘it takes a thief to catch a thief’ and this measure is simply an extension of how Parliament itself works. That system has met with such universal approval from the British public, that it seemed logical to trust people who continually try and avoid the police to henceforth police themselves.

The scheme, which has been launched to coincide with the beginning of the new avoiding-tax year, will involve muggers, burglars, car thieves and investment bankers being charged with making sure that no laws are breaking in the course of their law-breaking.

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Posted: Apr 6th, 2014
More from UK News



Government ‘gone’

The British Government has completely disappeared, according to reports from Westminster. Downing Street is said to be deserted and Whitehall offices abandoned.

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Posted: Feb 22nd, 2014
More from Politics



‘NobNomination’ craze sweeps through Westminster

Critics have slammed the latest anti-social media craze where Coalition MPs and members of the Opposition egg one another on to visit flood zones and spout provocative bollocks. The event has to be completed and broadcast within 24 hours to qualify.

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Posted: Feb 16th, 2014
More from UK News



Government to step in to deal with floods of tax returns

The government has been forced to step in to deal with an expected deluge of millions of last-minute online tax returns on 31 January. Troops will be on standby to ensure phone lines are kept open, and GCHQ will temporarily lift surveillance activities to ensure there are no blockages.

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Posted: Feb 1st, 2014
More from UK News