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Posts Tagged ‘cocaine’

Massive binge leads cultural leaders to call for legalisation of drugs

Branson pickledBranson asked if someone wouldn’t mind popping down to the garage to get ‘some of those crisps in the big green packet’.

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Posted: Jun 5th, 2014
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Olympic legacy threatened by plans to return East End to crime-blighted slum

Boris knows bestStadium demolished to make way for derelict wasteland for petty criminals and drug pushers.

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Posted: Jan 31st, 2014
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Contrite Co-op Bank offers better financial products and great deals on crystal meth

hurry, while stocks can still be manipulatedThe newly appointed chief of the Co-Op Bank, Ursula Lidbetter, has hinted at an ‘exciting and lucrative’ change of direction for the business. At a hastily convened press conference the new Chief Executive, who gave her name only as “Heisenberg”, praised the spirit of mutuality on which the bank has always been based, which meant that customers would now be offered the innovative range of personal solutions that every other High Street Bank and their executives are currently keeping to themselves.

Products on offer include reasonable mortgages, competitive interest on savings and ‘Pure White’ and ‘Crystal Blue’ in small, neatly and discreetly branded packages at very competitive prices.

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Posted: Nov 20th, 2013
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Canadians ootraged at loss of ‘boring’ image

There has been widespread anger across Canada at the loss of that nation’s carefully cultivated “safe and boring” image thanks to the recent exploits of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.

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Posted: Nov 19th, 2013
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Authorities ‘winning the War on Muesli’

millions of pounds worth flooding the UK every yearThe rising price of muesli across the globe is proof that the international trade in this illicit breakfast cereal is finally ‘in retreat’ according to the UK’s Serious Organised Crime Agency.

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Posted: May 15th, 2012
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