Lottery winner ‘will definitely let it change him’
A resident of Arizona who won $500 million in the ‘Powerball Lottery’ has claimed he is ‘looking forward’ to the money changing him completely.
Posted: Dec 11th, 2012
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Posts Tagged ‘cocaine’
Authorities ‘winning the War on Muesli’
The rising price of muesli across the globe is proof that the international trade in this illicit breakfast cereal is finally ‘in retreat’ according to the UK’s Serious Organised Crime Agency.
Posted: May 15th, 2012
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Kent Police crush local pesto ring
Kent Police were this afternoon formally congratulated on the outstanding success of Operation Ploughmans. Speaking from outside Downing St, Prime Minister David Cameron praised the two month operation as ‘a significant contribution’ to Britain’s home economic security.
From their operations base at Dover, police officers intercepted several tankers of Spanish olive oil, along with sizable quantities of Macedonian pine nuts. Maps in the trucks confirmed police suspicions that the raw materials were destined for industrial warehouses in the so-called ‘Kitchen Garden’ of Surrey. Here they would be mixed with locally grown basil and parmesan cheese which was to be flown over from Italy this weekend.
Posted: Dec 15th, 2011
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Massive binge leads cultural leaders to call for legalisation of drugs
Mr Branson called for a rethink of current drugs policies and asked if someone wouldn’t mind popping down to the garage to get ‘some of those crisps in the big green packet’.
Posted: Jun 3rd, 2011
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Olympic legacy threatened by plans to return East End to crime-blighted slum
The Olympic stadium will be demolished immediately after the games to make way for a derelict wasteland for petty criminals and drug pushers.
Posted: Jan 24th, 2011
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