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Posts Tagged ‘coffee’

Costa Coffee launches new Totnes offensive

Just two weeks after Totnes councillors voted to ban Costa Coffee from opening its first store in the Devon town, Retail Gruppenfuhrer, Heinz Weisz, gave an overview of their latest blitzkrieg.

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Posted: Nov 6th, 2012
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Lewis Hamilton claims Mercedes move ‘centred on cup holders’

F1 maestro Lewis Hamilton claims he has ‘finally matured’, and looks for more in a car these days, such as adequate cup holders. After spending several weeks looking through brochures, he’s finally settled on a grey Mercedes with a big wing on the back, putting ‘comfort ahead of speed’ on his list of priorities.

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Posted: Oct 2nd, 2012
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Utter bell-end visits local Starbucks just to give barista fake name

Tiresome prick, Dave Henderson, finally got round to pestering staff at his local outlet, who have absolutely no say whatsoever on corporate policy, with a twattish fake name yesterday.

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Posted: Apr 26th, 2012
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Costa to sell coffee enemas

‘People have been cleansing themselves with coffee enemas for centuries,’ explained spokesperson Tana Morrison. ‘And at Costa we’re all about coffee, so for us this is a natural progression. As of Friday, patrons will be able to flush out their systems with a refreshing Cappuccino, douse their digestive tract with a milky Latte or pump themselves full of a sultry Mocha.’

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Posted: Jan 15th, 2012
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Company unveils plaque after employee ‘finally’ makes colleagues tea

An office worker was left ‘stunned and slightly embarrassed’ last week after bosses arranged for a commemorative plaque to mark the rare occasion of his making a round of teas for his colleagues.

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Posted: Apr 11th, 2011
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