The news written by you…

Posts Tagged ‘comedy’

Salads to feature ‘extra cold sore’ in the run up to Xmas

Restaurateurs and microbiologists are bracing themselves for a seasonal fusion between the nation’s least imaginative side-dish and its most virulent side-blister.  This heady mixture leads to an unsightly phenomenon that can linger on the upper lip if not treated properly by dabbing with a McDonald’s serviette, TCP and discreet spitting.

One epidemiologist said: ‘We’ve seen a huge influx of Scandinavian pickled salad coming into contact with boiled British herpes. 

Read more >

Posted: Nov 23rd, 2015
More from Health

We are not getting involved

Read more…

Read more >

Posted: Nov 23rd, 2015
More from Left Alert

Cats still to decide on inside or outside referendum

The National Cat Association (NCA) has admitted that there is still no consensus about whether they want the free-market roaming that the garden represents or the warm monetary union offered by the airing cupboard.  A spokes-cat said: ‘We didn’t expect a swift decision; to be honest, it could be years.  What we will say is that shouting at us will not make it any quicker’.

Those in favour of staying indoors have said the deal has been sweetened by their German owner, offering additional squatting rights with any cardboard box, computer keyboard or lap of their choice.

Read more >

Posted: Nov 22nd, 2015
More from Lifestyle

US announces staged withdrawal from ‘spillage in aisle 14’

still considering pre-emptive strike on Lidl Starting with 12,000 troops leaving the Jams, Spreads, Preserves and Marmalades aisle

Read more >

Posted: Nov 11th, 2015
More from From The Archives

False widow spider ‘ate my dog’

choose your pets wisely, and train them in martial arts Two unsuspecting American tourists were lynched

Read more >

Posted: Nov 10th, 2015
More from From The Archives