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Posts Tagged ‘comedy’

iPhone 7 warns that Natural Intelligence could be a threat to shiny technology

A prototype iPhone 7 has texted a warning that Natural Intelligence (NI) might be a threat to future generations of shiny gadgets. ‘It’s a real issue; at some point naturally intelligent people might realise that the gadget they bought last year actually does far more than they need, so why buy a new one?’

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Posted: Dec 4th, 2014
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Islamic State ‘disappointed at UK fighters ability to wash dishes’

‘They’re lazy, want to stay in bed all day playing Call of Duty on their XBox consoles,’ he told reporters, ‘and what’s worse is that some of these twats have knocked me off the leader board,’ he added.

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Posted: Dec 4th, 2014
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Blair Christmas card used at Guantanamo to frighten terrorists

Tony Blair has revealed that his 2014 Christmas Card photo was originally intended as part of a Psy Ops campaign to frighten jihadists at Guantanamo Bay.

‘Look, if we want win the war on terror, we have to be prepared to use extreme tactics’, he told reporters. ‘Psychologists have been using pictures of Cherie in experiments for years, so they’d already obtained approval from their ethics committees.

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Posted: Dec 3rd, 2014
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Stephen Hawking warns that Artificial Intelligence could end Angry Birds

Prof Stephen Hawking, one of Britain’s pre-eminent scientists, has said that efforts to create thinking machines pose a threat to the very existence of mindless computer games such as Angry Birds. He explained, ‘The development of full artificial intelligence could spell the end of stupid people being able to waste their time on stupid wastes of time.’

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Posted: Dec 3rd, 2014
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Turner Prize to be ‘artist-free’

a worthy winner next year: the most important work since 'Dunk' from 1983From next year, works which come with an artist’s name attached will be disqualified from the prestigious contemporary art prize’s selection process. Instead, judges will concentrate on works that have not been made by artists.

‘The very idea of artists has now been totally discredited by new and exciting works like ‘James Milner’s Shin Pads’,’ explained chief Judge Mike Smythe. ‘These exist free of the bourgeois taint of personality cult. No formal ‘artist’ has been involved, strictly speaking.’

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Posted: Dec 2nd, 2014
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