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Posts Tagged ‘Computer’

Met Office warns of a warm Christmas

chestnuts to be roasted in the sunshine on the patio‘It’s probable that some areas are going to experience double digit temperatures over Christmas,’ conceded a Met Office official today. ‘We think it could be due to a warm southerly front or the new supercomputer overheating, but there is a real risk of a warm Christmas, with grey skies and light drizzle. You know, like the last 45 Christmases everywhere outside the Scottish Highlands, only a bit warmer still.’

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Posted: Dec 19th, 2014
More from UK News



Man’s laptop shuts down for bank holiday weekend

A laptop belonging to a 28 year old Newcastle man has angered its owner by deciding to take off the bank holiday weekend. ‘I went to fire it up this morning’ says Dave Hutchins, the owner of the laptop, ‘and when I turned it on a message popped up saying ‘Dave’s laptop is off for the bank holiday weekend and will return on Tuesday 27th May, if your enquiry cannot wait until then please contact Dave’s IPad which is currently located behind a cushion on the sofa’.

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Posted: May 26th, 2014
More from News In Brief



NSA used ‘Microsoft Windows’ to infect millions of computers

The documents leaked by Edward Snowden have yielded what may be their most shocking revelation yet: plans to infect millions of computers with malware to prevent them from working properly. This was devised by the NSA in consultation with a shady billionaire, unofficially named as ‘Bill Gates’, who had close links to many different arms of the US government.

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Posted: Mar 15th, 2014
More from Science/Technology



Disappointment for scientists as new super-computer fails to go mad

Scientists at Mal-Tech University, Wisconsin have expressed their immense disappointment at the failure of their new super-computer Off White to show any signs of megalomania.

The technological titan went online six months ago has since performed flawlessly, displaying nary a hint of sentience, lunacy or vague curiosity.

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Posted: May 29th, 2013
More from Science/Technology



Microsoft admits Windows Updates principally created to annoy

Microft claiming Windows 8 'will be, like, sooo much better'Software updates are ‘pranks’ largely generated by bored or frustrated programmers

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Posted: Dec 2nd, 2009
More from Science/Technology