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Posts Tagged ‘Computer’

Man’s laptop shuts down for bank holiday weekend

A laptop belonging to a 28 year old Newcastle man has angered its owner by deciding to take off the bank holiday weekend. ‘I went to fire it up this morning’ says Dave Hutchins, the owner of the laptop, ‘and when I turned it on a message popped up saying ‘Dave’s laptop is off for the bank holiday weekend and will return on Tuesday 27th May, if your enquiry cannot wait until then please contact Dave’s IPad which is currently located behind a cushion on the sofa’.

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Posted: May 26th, 2014
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NSA used ‘Microsoft Windows’ to infect millions of computers

The documents leaked by Edward Snowden have yielded what may be their most shocking revelation yet: plans to infect millions of computers with malware to prevent them from working properly. This was devised by the NSA in consultation with a shady billionaire, unofficially named as ‘Bill Gates’, who had close links to many different arms of the US government.

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Posted: Mar 15th, 2014
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Disappointment for scientists as new super-computer fails to go mad

Scientists at Mal-Tech University, Wisconsin have expressed their immense disappointment at the failure of their new super-computer Off White to show any signs of megalomania.

The technological titan went online six months ago has since performed flawlessly, displaying nary a hint of sentience, lunacy or vague curiosity.

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Posted: May 29th, 2013
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Microsoft admits Windows Updates principally created to annoy

Microft claiming Windows 8 'will be, like, sooo much better'Software updates are ‘pranks’ largely generated by bored or frustrated programmers

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Posted: Dec 2nd, 2009
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Hewlett Packard launch laptop BIOS revision in front of stunned world leaders

world leaders 'humbled' by timing of announcementIn a momentous launch event held before world leaders in California last night, PC manufacturer Hewlett Packard announced that it has released version E of its laptop BIOS routine for the EliteBook range of computers. ‘This is truly a great event which surpasses all other changes in technology. I promised you change and we have delivered’ said a tearful Barack Obama as he wept at the news emerging from HP’s engineers.

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Posted: Jun 14th, 2009
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