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Posts Tagged ‘Conservative party’

UK crime to be made legal

All acts previously considered criminal are to be made legal, the Government has announced today. ‘We’re positively chuffed that our economy has overtaken France’s thanks to prostitution and the ever popular illegal drugs industry,’ said Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne.

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Posted: Dec 27th, 2014
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No hard feelings, says PM as third Tory rebel dies in mysterious circumstances

off to get a sinister pair of glasses in the morningClive Tuck is reported to have driven his car off a cliff at a secluded beauty spot after first lashing his hands to the wheel and consuming an entire bottle of whiskey.

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Posted: Oct 25th, 2014
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Free school meals to include ‘pony and rabbit’

Education Minister David Laws says that free school dinners for primary school children will include ‘rabbit and pony’.

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Posted: Sep 8th, 2014
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‘Yes’ on Scottish independence ‘more likely’ as Boris Johnson heads for Parliament

Alex Salmond’s campaign for an independent Scotland was bolstered this week, as Mayor of London Boris Johnson announced he’ll be standing as MP in the 2015 general election, with his eyes set firmly on Number 10.

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Posted: Aug 8th, 2014
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‘Messing about still core to curriculum’, says OFSTED report

Messing and mucking about is still the most important part of the school curriculum for most pupils, according to OFSTED. ‘It’s my favourite bit,’ said Brett, a year eight pupil at Scunthorpe Comp, ‘though school dinners when it’s double burger, chips and beans is good.’

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Posted: Jun 29th, 2014
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