NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Posts Tagged ‘Conservative party’

Men on diets demand to know when the potato ‘stopped being a vegetable’

Frustrated males shamed into embracing a healthy regime have been outraged to discover that starchy, tuberous crops are not the route to a six-pack, female approval and eternal life as had been previously suggested.

Read more >

Posted: Mar 8th, 2014
More from Health



Schoolboy successfully lights Bunsen burner without messing about

A 13-year-old Lancashire schoolboy has become the first pupil in the UK to successfully light a Bunsen burner without turning it up too high or too low or attempting to burn his school to the ground.

Read more >

Posted: Mar 6th, 2014
More from News In Brief



UK celebrates most successful ‘tossing’ innuendo day on record

The Office of National Statistics has revealed that the British public ‘surpassed expectations’ on Shrove Tuesday yesterday, making more ‘tossing’ innuendos than in any other year since records began. The tradition, which was once reserved for the kitchen, has become widespread among the public with phrases such as, ‘let’s have a good toss in the kitchen’ being openly used on daytime television, with the ‘Loose Women’ breaking all previous records on their own.

Read more >

Posted: Mar 5th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Decisive EU warning on Crimea: ‘Eurovision will be really awkward this year’

Anything but Boom Bang-a-Bang, pleaseEuropean Union leaders have made their first common statement on the Ukraine crisis, warning Russia that its actions leave them no choice but to be ‘really, really frosty’ at this year’s Eurovision Song Contest.

‘The aggressive action of the Russian government towards a sovereign European state is unacceptable,’ the statement reads. ‘We are all completely in agreement that, unless the Crimea is returned to Ukrainian control, we will make things really, really awkward in the green room at this year’s Eurovision, make no mistake. We will certainly not cheer when the Russians come on, we will wave no Russian flags, and if anybody votes for them we will tut, not just firmly, but audibly.’

Read more >

Posted: Mar 4th, 2014
More from Politics



Jeremy Hunt trials new hi-tech ‘contactless’ NHS

Fed up with having to deal with inefficient and often sick NHS workers, the UK Health Secretary has introduced a trial of ‘contactless healthcare’, which does away entirely with the need for any physical presence. Just like an oyster card, your new NHS care card can be topped up with platitudes and sound bites ready to be deployed at any time you feel a touch of one-day flu coming on.

Read more >

Posted: Mar 4th, 2014
More from News In Brief