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Posts Tagged ‘Cornwall’

Passport backlog: thousands of Brits wanted a holiday in Cornwall all along

'Thank God Rick Stein's not around to see this'Tens of thousands of people who have had to cancel foreign holidays because of the passport backlog have realised that actually they wanted to go to Cornwall all along.

‘We’d booked two weeks on the Costa del Sol,’ said Fred Ashford, from Ashford, ‘but as soon as we knew our passports wouldn’t be ready, we reappraised the situation and found that foreign adventures probably weren’t for us at this time. It turned out that our ideal holiday destination, in terms of climate, food, relaxation, home from home facilities and all that, was Newquay. And if it pisses down all week again, who cares? I intend to have lots of fun in this new pot-bellied surfing wetsuit I bought by not paying £55 each to speed up the passport application.’

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Posted: Jun 12th, 2014
More from UK News



Cornwall ‘real’, apparently

it's alive, alive, alive-a-live-o!Much to the surprise of cartographers, scientists and pasty lovers, the EU has confirmed that the ‘bit that stops Devon getting too wet’ is not just a fairy story told to children to warn about the perils of a dairy-fat diet.

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Posted: Apr 28th, 2014
More from UK News



Tories welcome minority status for Corniche people

The Tory faithful have welcomed the ‘long overdue’ news that Corniche people are to be recognised and protected as a national minority, thus guaranteeing the human rights of the super-rich. This, they said, should also send a clear message to the rest of the country that it is not enough to simply be ‘ quite well-off’ any more.

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Posted: Apr 27th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Cornwall secedes, calls in Welsh help

Less than 24 hours after being granted UK minority status, Cornish independence party Mebyon Kernow have announced the county has seceded from Great Britain with immediate effect and can now be considered a separate country. Teams of civil engineers and demolition experts began simultaneous action to destroy road and rail bridges and widening the Tamar to place a 300 metre water border between themselves and Devon.

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Posted: Apr 25th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Internet speed ‘slugged’ in West Country to match slow pace of life

In response to customer requests, a Super-Slow Broadband internet service is being rolled out in Somerset, Devon and Cornwall. The advanced technology system recognises the speed at which the local population get things done and adapts response times accordingly.

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Posted: Jul 23rd, 2013
More from News In Brief