Boris Johnson is trying to find a cheaper way to bring the Coronavirus to the North of England. Previously the UK was relying on costly flights and cruise ships, but this deal would create a 7,000 mile rail link between Bejing to Birmingham and ‘all the lurgy we need’. [read...]
After being caught halfway through a smashed window, Wirral resident Nigel Palmer told police he’d had a long and frustrating day trying to see an NHS doctor. Palmer said it had all started when he found a nasty rash on his abdomen. [read...]
In an attempt to move away from the elderly middle class cruise ship demographic Coronavirus has announced that it will now go under the much edgier and cool name of ‘Covid-19′. The virus is hoping the rebranding will make a strong impact among the trendier 18-30s market and has revealed impressive plans to spread around… [read...]
Chinese gambling syndicates are wagering up to 500,000 yuan (£50,000) on the demise of Ozzy Osbourne. The heaviest bets are reportedly being laid around the prophecy date given by Zhānbǔ Zhě, whose methods include green budgies picking out cards of fate and Waddington’s pickup sticks, [read...]
The Chinese government has advised all Chinese people currently in Britain to leave the country to minimise their risk of exposure to the Brexonavirus. There are fears that this hitherto localised outbreak of lethal stupidity could become a global pandemic. [read...]
