A spokesman for BT said ‘There is a perception out there that there is little point in having a theme about a bloke who’s getting it on with a tasty older woman if all they do is send emails and extol the virtues of broadband telephones.  We take these complaints very seriously and viewers will soon get to see a bit of bedroom action.’  Consumer groups have welcomed the announcement, but are urging BT to act quickly before the couple get married.

Vandella

Cosmopolitan magazine faces financial ruin after accidentally advising women to stop agonising about their appearance and get on with their lives.

‘I can’t understand how I missed it’ said Cosmo editor-in-chief Josie Shaw ‘I always have a quick flick through the proofs, usually while I’m having my streaks re-touched. We only realised what had happened when nobody bought the following issue.’

The advice appeared in the ‘Ask Elspeth’ column, and was written by an intern, Yasmin Dunn. Yasmin says she was asked to ‘concoct some slightly fluffy Californian-sounding guff’ in reply to a series of letters, written in a wine bar by the editorial staff.

‘She has been fired’ confirmed Ms Shaw, 36 and still single ‘well actually she’s gone back to finish her degree in faux-feminism, but it’ll be a cold day in Champneys sauna before she works here again…’

Hearst Publishing have bailed out the magazine for a three month probationary period; it relaunches next week, with the headline: ‘Eewww: Have you put on weight?’

Miggi