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Posts Tagged ‘crime’

Hatton Garden raid response ‘within guidelines’, say police

'Hatton, Hatoff, it's all the same to us'Police looking into the hole in the wall at Hatton Garden after a vault heist confirmed that their response is entirely in line with current policy to downgrade minor crimes such as domestic burglary. A police spokesman defended the decision not to inform the vault owner nor investigate the alarm while the robbery was in progress, as it only lasted several hours.

‘Firstly, who actually pays any attention to burglar alarms? Quite often it is down to operator error or a computer glitch, so it is best to give it a while and see if the problem sorts itself out. Then we have to establish the facts before we devote resources to this so-called alarm for a so-called break in at a so-called vault at Hatton Garden Safety Deposit Box Ltd. If that is their real name.’ He added, grimly.

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Posted: Apr 26th, 2015
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‘Whoever smelt it dealt it’, claims Assad, denying use of chemical weapons

Syrian president Bashir Assad has denied dropping chlorine gas on a town in the northeast of the country, citing an outdated technicality in international law. The clause, which dates back to 1873, states: ‘whoever smelt it dealt it,’ implying that rebel groups might have released the harmful gas themselves, presumably in order to gain international support.

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Posted: Mar 20th, 2015
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Philanthropist Murdoch extends back to work scheme to useless manager

Unlike many employers, who would have baulked at the idea of re-employing a manager who failed to notice massive organisational corruption, Rupert Murdoch has generously provided a job at media agency Storyful to criminally inept former editor Rebekah Brooks.

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Posted: Mar 6th, 2015
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TV first as ‘last time’ and ‘next time’ fill entire episode

much better than the other advertsProgramme consisted entirely of a summary of the story from the last programme and next.

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Posted: Feb 25th, 2015
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Welsh man stabs cheating girlfriend then sings about it

it's not unusualThat girl was no good for him

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Posted: Feb 8th, 2015
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