Criminal element discovered in Periodic Table
Scientists and anthropologists have discovered that the periodic table, just like any other community, contains a no-good criminal element.
Posted: Nov 27th, 2010
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Posts Tagged ‘criminals’
Devil agrees to trial community sentences
The Devil will impose non-custodial sentences following a report by the Chief Inspector of Prisons highlighting problems of overcrowding and poor conditions in Hell.
Posted: Oct 13th, 2010
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Kray twins to be reintroduced into the wild
‘The locals are always saying how things were better when the Krays were in charge, well now we have an opportunity to test that theory.’
Posted: Aug 30th, 2010
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Criminals to be issued with flat pack prisons
‘Every prisoner will be told to stay at home and assemble their own cell.’
Posted: Jul 12th, 2010
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Government crime figures show huge drop in cartoon villainy
Convictions for cartoonish villainy have dropped by nearly 70% since Labour came to power, new Home Office statistics reveal.
The figures show that in 2008 only two women were tied to railway tracks by convicted cape-wearing moustache-twirling scoundrels, down from nearly 1,000 in 1928. ‘This is a vindication of the government’s criminal justice policy over the last twelve years,’ said Home Secretary Alan Johnson. ‘We have always said we would be tough on the causes of crime, and these statistics prove that we were right to ban the sale of velvet capes, top hats and moustache-twirling equipment to anybody with a criminal record.’
Posted: Oct 16th, 2009
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