Criminals to be issued with flat pack prisons
‘Every prisoner will be told to stay at home and assemble their own cell.’
Posted: Jul 12th, 2010
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Posts Tagged ‘criminals’
Government crime figures show huge drop in cartoon villainy
Convictions for cartoonish villainy have dropped by nearly 70% since Labour came to power, new Home Office statistics reveal.
The figures show that in 2008 only two women were tied to railway tracks by convicted cape-wearing moustache-twirling scoundrels, down from nearly 1,000 in 1928. ‘This is a vindication of the government’s criminal justice policy over the last twelve years,’ said Home Secretary Alan Johnson. ‘We have always said we would be tough on the causes of crime, and these statistics prove that we were right to ban the sale of velvet capes, top hats and moustache-twirling equipment to anybody with a criminal record.’
Posted: Oct 16th, 2009
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No-good punks let off by bleeding-heart liberal judges ‘actually in the minority’, says TV-based research
An extensive study of court cases involving American legal luminaries such as Quincy, the California Highway Patrol and Magnum PI has exploded the myth that no-good punks invariably get off scot free.
Posted: Oct 13th, 2009
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Ronnie Biggs to repay proceeds of Great Train Robbery after ‘genuine oversight’
Notorious Great Train Robber, Ronnie Biggs, has announced that he is to return the proceeds gained from the 1963 multi-million pound train heist in an attempt to restore public confidence in the once honourable criminal classes. Biggs, currently serving a sentence in Norwich prison after returning to the UK in 2001, has described the manner by which he came into the money as ‘an honest mistake’, and has called for a change in the rules which are making morally-upright criminals look like money-grabbing cheats.
Courts introduce ‘Guilty Face’ technology
New software generates a rating from ‘doesn’t look the type’ to ‘probably did it’.
Posted: May 14th, 2007
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