NewsBiscuit » Croydon

South London trams to introduce ‘racism carriages’

Guest — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 15:00:43 +0000

Transport for London has today unveiled plans to introduce ‘racism carriages’ for customers who want to let off steam after a hard day’s drinking by shouting indiscriminate abuse at anyone who looks foreign.

‘We aim to cater for the needs of all our customers,’ said a TfL spokeman, ‘so it’s about time we had carriages where people who like to treat outdated conjecture as fact can do so without being judged. The ‘White Is Right’ carriages will be at the rear of our trams and will include buffet cars selling cans of special brew, pregnancy test kits and signed photos of Nick Griffin kicking a black person in the face. There will be a strict no-filming policy.’

The scheme has been announced following a racist incident on a recent Croydon-to-Wimbledon tramlink service. The victim of the abuse was particularly upset at being told to go back to where they came from, which in this case was Mitcham.

Shandy

Croydon telephone directory ‘inspired choice’ for Book At Bedtime

Guest — Fri, 29 May 2009 10:00:05 +0000

BBC Radio 4 producers have been pleasantly surprised by reaction to their unusual choice for Book At Bedtime this week. The distinctive tones of Stephen Fry reading the Croydon Telephone Directory has had listeners enthralled with many calling for other volumes in the series to be featured.

‘I heard the first one with great excitement,’ said Tom Carter. ‘So may characters were introduced – I can’t wait to find out what’s going to happen to them all!’ Amanda Statham was one of many listeners who praised the therapeutic value of the broadcast. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever slept as well’ she enthused. ‘My head touched the pillow somewhere around A1 cabs and the next thing I remember is waking up the following morning, greatly refreshed, and actually looking forward to going to work at the call centre.’

Producer Pamela Barclay, confirmed that other reference works were being considered following the directory’s enormous success. ‘Among those currently being discussed are Global Acronyms, Codes & Designations Directory, the World-Wide Guide to Massey Ferguson Tractors, and Hansard; The John Major Years.’

Seamus Nottrew

Successful author quits rural idyll to pursue dream of recruitment consultancy in Croydon

Toast_not_ghosts — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 05:00:00 +0000

Iain Cullen always had a dream, a dream his friends and family thought would remain out of his grasp forever. But last year whilst sat in his studio, looking out over the fields of Somerset, with his finished manuscript on his desk, he said to himself; ‘I will not do this anymore; I’m going to follow my dream.’

With that he phoned his literary agent and told him there would be no twelfth book, no more bestselling novels translated all around the world and made into blockbuster movies. He was out of the business for good; he was going to follow his heart and see if he could make it in the world of office recruitment.

‘I always had this secret ambition’ said Iain ‘…but I never thought I would be good enough to help find Temp to Perm employment for part-qualified accountants in the Croydon and South London area. Then I thought, ‘you only live once’ and I’ll never find out unless I try’.

Iain started with Reed recruitment yesterday, and from his small office overlooking the muti-storey car-park he had a message for all his former readers; ‘You have to follow your heart in this life, and I’m following mine’. His first morning in recruitment was very successful, managing to fill every empty vacancy except the new one for ‘Best-Selling Novelist’. ‘Why the hell would anyone want do that?’ said all the jobless applicants who came into the office.