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Some households in North of England still without Royal updates, warns Met Office
Thousands of homes around the UK have been without an update on the Duchess of Cambridge’s health for several hours say emergency services. [read...]
Tagged cumbria
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Jammy bastards in Cumbria have perfect excuse to avoid Christmas
After flooding wrecked some houses in parts of Cumbria for a second or even a third time this month, local residents have been asked to spare a thought for others. Most of those in the merely soggy parts of Britain are facing up to a nightmarish Christmas Day in the hearts of their families. [read...]
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Trump offers his ‘Mexico Wall’ to victims of Storm Desmond
Following the failure of the government’s flood defences to protect people in Cumbria against ravaging storms, a surprise offer of hope has come today from US Republican candidate Donald Trump. In an announcement made to his supporters in Alabama, [read...]
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Syria: ‘If we get flooded do we get to see the nice soldiers?’
Buoyed by the heart-warming images of rescue workers evacuating parts of Cumbria, Syrians are now looking forward to the inevitable armed incursions that will follow on from the humanitarian bombing.
As emergency services converge on northern England, [read...]
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Ill-informed Cumbrians readying for Scottish invasion
An eery silence has descended on Cumbria. The people are edgy, suspicious. Violence erupts in odd little bursts – a chip-shop owner advertising ‘deep fried anything’ is publicly flogged as a sympathiser; a man is stoned for telling a Billy Connolly joke. [read...]