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News In Brief
Branson to build a shed
Government to cancel at least one Battleship Galactica
Berners-Lee ‘a fake created by publicity-seeking cats’
Obama and Putin hour-long phone call was ‘gay hold music’
Self-aware autocues take over the BBC
Jack Wilshere determined to be fit in time to get injured in World Cup
Next country to be invaded by Russia during an Olympics to be named
Cockroach tells of ‘terrifying ordeal’ in restaurant shooting
Schoolboy successfully lights Bunsen burner without messing about
UK & US rule out military intervention: Russia actually has WMDs
BBC admits some town names on UK weather map are ‘made up’
UK celebrates most successful ‘tossing’ innuendo day on record
Jeremy Hunt trials new hi-tech ‘contactless’ NHS
Boy George denied England captaincy because he was ‘no good at football’
Foreigners defend jokes about Farage
Israel to make audacious bid for Putin
Coalition Olympic legacy ‘not as memorable as Putin’s’
France surrenders ‘just in case’
Eastenders confirms shocking new ‘smile’ plotline
Three-headed baby plans announced
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