NewsBiscuit

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Posts Tagged ‘Daily Mail’

Special forces units gagging to ‘neutralize’ literally anyone ahead of Olympics

The government put on a special homoerotic display of force in the capital this week, as boats loaded with heavily armed burly looking men roamed the waters of London. Sailing down the Thames with expensive looking weaponry, groups of professional psychopaths wanted to make an effort to reassure Daily Mail readers, as well as scare ‘anyone who looks foreign’, as a neurotic capital prepares to go fully hysterical about the prospect of terrorism during the Olympics.

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Posted: Jan 20th, 2012
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Taliban leaders condemn ‘Daily Mail Law’ as barbaric and inhuman

A coalition of Taliban Leaders announced today their opposition to the ‘barbaric and inhuman’ regime of ‘Daily Mail Law’ and said they would be campaigning against its adoption in parts of Afghanistan.

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Posted: Dec 16th, 2011
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Chat room member wins argument with strategic use of CAPS LOCK

‘I simply told them that if they didn’t agree with what I was saying they were a DAILY MAIL READING IDIOT. They soon saw the error of their ways.’

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Posted: Dec 11th, 2011
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Health and Safety Nazis invade Poland

Tabloid columnists were up in arms today after battalions of overzealous health and safety officials – dubbed ‘Health and Safety Nazis’ – were seen marching across the Polish border wearing hard hats and high-visibility jackets, and armed to the teeth with clipboards and pens.

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Posted: Nov 5th, 2011
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Daily Mail website reports sensational story of Gaddafi’s escape

While every other news agency in the world had been reporting sketchy details of Col Muammar Gaddafi’s death as they became available, the Daily Mail website was running a detailed account of his dramatic escape from Transitional Forces.

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Posted: Oct 21st, 2011
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