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James Bond resigns from MI5 citing ‘too much paperwork’
Excessive paperwork, political correctness and boring villain’s lairs have made life unbearable. [read...]
Tagged Daniel Craig
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007’s car rendered useless by spilt milk
In a pivotal scene, during the twenty-forth ‘James Bond’ film, movie-goers will be treated to a high octane action sequence involving sour smelling diary product. Britain’s most inebriated spy, after Guy Burges, is seen spilling a small cartoon of full-cream milk on his car upholstery, [read...]
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Boy’s sexual awakening embarrassingly coincides with family’s Bond movie viewing
Tim Vallely, a 12-year-old boy from Wiltshire, became aware of the power of the intrinsic primal attraction of the opposite sex for the first time this weekend, when sitting on the living room floor while surrounded by three generations of his family watching a Sunday evening James Bond movie. [read...]
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Prescott turns down James Bond as ‘too misogynisticatal’
John Prescott has declined the role of James Bond because he felt the role was ‘a bit sexist’ and ‘lacked the scholasticated gravitas’ he would naturally bring to any performance, despite the inevitability of any public ballot for the role means that fans will overwhelmingly vote for him, [read...]
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Release of new 007 movie in doubt after James Bond ‘hopelessly compromised’ by endless TV appearances
The new 007 film ‘Skyfall’ may never be released after MI5 became concerned that the secret agent at the heart of the operation, James Bond, has become so famous that he can’t go anywhere without being recognised. [read...]