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Posts Tagged ‘Daniel Craig’

007′s car rendered useless by spilt milk

In a pivotal scene, during the twenty-forth ‘James Bond’ film, movie-goers will be treated to a high octane action sequence involving sour smelling diary product. Britain’s most inebriated spy, after Guy Burges, is seen spilling a small cartoon of full-cream milk on his car upholstery, after inadvertently plugging his USB charger into the ejector seat.

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Posted: Oct 31st, 2015
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Boy’s sexual awakening embarrassingly coincides with family’s Bond movie viewing

Won't work out why she's got such a funny name until he's at least fifteenTim Vallely, a 12-year-old boy from Wiltshire, became aware of the power of the intrinsic primal attraction of the opposite sex for the first time this weekend, when sitting on the living room floor while surrounded by three generations of his family watching a Sunday evening James Bond movie.

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Posted: Oct 9th, 2015
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Prescott turns down James Bond as ‘too misogynisticatal’

John Prescott has declined the role of James Bond because he felt the role was ‘a bit sexist’ and ‘lacked the scholasticated gravitas’ he would naturally bring to any performance, despite the inevitability of any public ballot for the role means that fans will overwhelmingly vote for him, particularly the ladies.

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Posted: Aug 17th, 2015
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James Bond resigns from MI5 citing ‘too much paperwork’

ready to killExcessive paperwork, political correctness and boring villain’s lairs have made life unbearable.

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Posted: May 21st, 2015
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Release of new 007 movie in doubt after James Bond ‘hopelessly compromised’ by endless TV appearances

licensed to make a killingThe new 007 film ‘Skyfall’ may never be released after MI5 became concerned that the secret agent at the heart of the operation, James Bond, has become so famous that he can’t go anywhere without being recognised. To allow him to continue with the missions planned for the film would be to put his and possibly many others’ livelihoods at risk, the intelligence agency confirmed.

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Posted: Oct 9th, 2012
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