NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Posts Tagged ‘David Cameron’

Radical new image set to change Clegg from lickspittle to dangerous maverick

Deputy Prime Minster Nick Clegg is set to unveil a radical change of image at next week’s Liberal Democrat Party conference. In an attempt to appear more enigmatic Clegg will deliver his leader’s speech wearing a patch over his right eye and a large scar on his left cheek.

Read more >

Posted: Oct 1st, 2014
More from News In Brief



Pavements to be made from mulch

‘Dog ends, ciggy packets, vomit and, of course, copious dog shit, that’s what the public thinks is suitable for leaving on the pavement,’ said the newly appointed Pavements Minister, Sebastian Fanshaw MP. ‘And no pavement has seen a sweeper in years, so no wonder we’re constantly slipping on part-composted crap.’

Read more >

Posted: Sep 23rd, 2014
More from News In Brief



Cameron to base next election around iTunes

‘Ten years ago, the only way to obtain a legitimate copy of a song you had to buy the whole CD. Now, you just download the songs you want and ignore the rest. We’re going to do this with policy too. Why elect a manifesto that has bugger all to do with you?’

Read more >

Posted: Sep 22nd, 2014
More from News In Brief



MOD planning ‘massive exercise’ north of Hadrian’s Wall

Och aye, the newsMembers of the Royal Irish Regiment are said to be catching the evening Stranraer ferry, thus enacting an elegant ‘pincer movement’.

Read more >

Posted: Sep 18th, 2014
More from From The Archives



Falkland Islanders vote to become Caribbean

unanimously rejected Argentine climateIn a surprise outcome to Sunday’s sovereignty referendum, 98% of Falklanders have voted to ditch British nationality and switch allegiance to the sunnier, more laid back Caribbean.

Read more >

Posted: Sep 17th, 2014
More from From The Archives