NewsBiscuit

Hundreds of Page 3 girls were seen fleeing from The Sun offices today. It is thought some may have escaped from their captors while others were freed as The Mail Online closed in on its territory. The two groups have recently been engaged in a fierce battle, forcing The Sun to retreat to the moral high-ground.

One witness described the scene as ‘chaos’ as the girls, many of them emaciated, half-clothed and barely out of childhood, ran from the paper’s headquarters in Fleet Street and were bundled into nearby taxis. Nothing is known of the fate of a smaller number of Page 7 fellas previously abducted from various stripping dance troupes, who remain missing.

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Posted: Jan 21st, 2015
More from UK News

Sir John Chilcot has written to David Cameron to confirm that the findings of his inquiry into the Iraq war will not be published until at least after this year’s Wimbledon. In the letter Chilcot stated that publication of the report was taking longer than expected due to ‘Christmas and all that’, then the looming prospect of a skiing holiday in Klosters.

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Posted: Jan 21st, 2015
More from News In Brief

The BBC has confirmed that they intend to send a bill to David Cameron’s parents if their son fails to turn up for the TV debate for party leaders. The Prime Minister had said he may not turn up unless his friend Natalie from the Green Party was invited too

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Posted: Jan 20th, 2015
More from News In Brief

The UN has been called upon to act ‘swiftly and decisively’ amid worsening affection between Barack Obama and David Cameron at the Whitehouse last week. Public decency is said to be in tatters after lurid scenes of togetherness between the US president and his ‘bro’ were aired on prime-time television with no warning. Rumours that Cameron referred to Obama as his ‘homie’ are mercifully unconfirmed.

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Posted: Jan 18th, 2015
More from Politics

Popular stand-up David Miliband has confirmed that he will once again be seeking re-election in the guise of his bumbling comic creation ‘Ed Miliband’.

‘I see that Al Murray made the headlines yesterday when he announced that his ‘Pub Landlord’ character will be standing against Nigel Farage, but I’ve been doing it for years’ chuckled Miliband. ‘I came up with the idea for a comedy younger brother years ago. He was a kind of imaginary friend when I was growing up, and when I went into politics it just seemed like a funny thing to try, and for some reason it caught on and I’ve been doing him ever since.’

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Posted: Jan 16th, 2015
More from Politics