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Posts Tagged ‘David Cameron’

Government to cut emergency services ‘to stop people needing help’

‘Pastimes such as candlelit dinners, smoking cigarettes while asleep and drying your shell-suits over the paraffin heater will become life-threatening adrenaline sports’ said a Downing Street spokesman.

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Posted: Oct 30th, 2014
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Overweight hospital staff to be kept in trim by Benny Hill-style chases

Matrons, staff sisters and ward orderlies who are overweight will be chased round hospital premises by chubby Liberal Democrat peers with glasses in an attempt to head off an obesity crisis within the NHS, David Cameron has pledged

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Posted: Oct 26th, 2014
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David Cameron ‘may not have been beaten up enough at school’, warn experts

'Eat fist, oik!'‘Cameron’s blend of smug self-assurance and empty rhetoric can only be a result of his being under-bullied as a child.’

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Posted: Oct 23rd, 2014
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Cameron slams EU diseases as un-British

David Cameron has raised concerns over the quality of EU diseases and called on member states to follow the UK’s lead with such ‘splendid’ infections as whooping cough, chicken pox and scrofula. He singled out syphilis and bubonic plague as ‘shoddy and mean spirited’

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Posted: Oct 21st, 2014
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Tories to stop Santa migration by Christmas

nothing at all to declare, apart from 65 million bottles of Baileys David Cameron has announced plans to curb the flood of European migrant workers, specifically mythological 4th-century Greek bishops, from invading our homes.

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Posted: Oct 20th, 2014
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