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Posts Tagged ‘David Cameron’

Seagulls could be used in war against IS, warns Cameron

per ardua, ad chipsDavid Cameron has said seagulls from Devon and Cornwall could be sent to Syria in a bid to help coalition forces tackle Islamist insurgents. A spokesperson for the unfussy seabirds said the gulls were definitely ‘up for a fight’, and would do whatever it takes to repel the terrorist threat posed by IS militia, especially if there was a fish supper in it for them.

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Posted: Jul 25th, 2015
More from World News



London declares war on Yorkshire

Hague: "Your county needs you!"In a stunning new development in the fight against terror, London has declared war on Yorkshire. Citing the 7/7 bombings as justification, Prime Minister David Cameron said: ‘Yes, the bombers were all Muslims. But they were also all from Yorkshire, a fact which I don’t think has received enough attention until now.’

The Ministry of Defence expressed enthusiasm for the new strategy, a spokesman saying: ‘It’s a pain in the arse fighting bloody wars in the desert. The sand gets in everything. Yorkshire’s a much simpler proposition – we just need to give everyone a cagoule for the constant pissing rain.’

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Posted: Jul 23rd, 2015
More from Politics



Cameron to fight radicalisation with £53,000 student debt promise

David Cameron has pledged to tackle radical extremism amongst young Muslims by telling them that a place at a top UK university would only cost them £53,000 each.

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Posted: Jul 22nd, 2015
More from News In Brief



SNP to renounce nationalism in favour of ‘pissing off Cameron’

Political equivalent of 'Glasgow kiss'SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon is set to announce that her party is to formally abandon its goal of an independent Scotland and concentrate instead on ‘really pissing off Cameron and his Tory mates.’

‘Deep down we always knew that independence thing wasn’t gonna fly, especially with Salmond as pilot,’ said Sturgeon at a specially convened meeting of senior party members. ‘But watching the Tories scuttling over the border as if they’re arses were on fire to plead their case was priceless. It gave us a new sense of purpose – making the lives of those posh Southern jessies as miserable as possible.’

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Posted: Jul 15th, 2015
More from Politics



Government orders inquiry into why cover-up did not work

'Have they gone yet?' Why oh why oh why

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Posted: Jul 10th, 2015
More from From The Archives