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Posts Tagged ‘David Cameron’

Old dogs no longer funded for trick-based education

might as well just curl up and sleep on it in front of the fireThe Department for Business Innovation and Skills (BIS) has decided to cut 24% from the adult education budget to remove a culture of just ‘fetching sticks’ and looking cute. Instead, College courses will target young pups: ‘…and if they’ve not learned to catch a Frisbee in their teeth by 19, then they’ll never do it’.

A BIS spokeswoman said: ‘While we applaud adult learner’s ability to sit, heel and lick their own balls; the truth remains that many have failed to learn any new tricks. When was the last time you had someone in their thirties bring you your slippers? Too often they shit on the carpet and dry hump your leg.’

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Posted: Mar 28th, 2015
More from Education, Politics



The Queen rules out second term

Queen Elizabeth II has come out and categorically ruled out a second term at the head of the Monarchy. Having held the post of Head of State and Queen of 16 countries for the last 62 years, she is edging closer to the day her reign ends and she is now saying that when she [...]

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Posted: Mar 28th, 2015
More from News In Brief



TV debates to be settled by ‘head punching contests’ say Broadcasters

all in the name of entertainment for the massesTV broadcasters have decided to ditch the debating format trialed in the 2010 election in which leaders debated policy and outlined pledges and will replace it instead with a series of ‘head punching contests’, confirmed Sue Inglish, Head of Political Programming at the BBC.

The move has been welcomed by the right wing media who have long complained that a lefty liberal elite from north London have been allowed to set the tone for the forthcoming election. Right wing media groups say the election should not be settled by ‘some Islington pinko shirt lifter debating policies about EU membership or immigration’ but by two grown men punching each other in the face until one of them cries.

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Posted: Mar 27th, 2015
More from Politics



Have you been mis-sold a ‘freedom from prosecution’ letter?

Following the statement that letters to the IRA providing immunity from prosecution shouldn’t be considered legal, a plethora of call centres have been contacting members of the public offering to obtain compensation.

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Posted: Mar 25th, 2015
More from News In Brief



MPs say they should remain anonymous until charged with sex offences

Nothing to see here. Move along.As investigations into establishment child abuse drag on, members of Parliament’s Double Standards Select Committee have decided that Operation Yewtree’s method of allowing the media to name suspected celebrity paedophiles to help encourage other victims to speak up would be ‘inexcusable’ if it were applied to cases involving Right Honourable sex offenders.

Committee chairman Keith Vaz said the proposed reform was ‘long overdue’ now that the voting public’s focus has largely shifted from common celebrities to the Westminster establishment.

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Posted: Mar 24th, 2015
More from Politics