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Posts Tagged ‘David Cameron’

M.P.s now only embarrassed by the ‘sound of pooing’

right honourable gentsAfter decades of embezzlement, corruption and ‘world-class douchebaggery’, the House of Commons has managed to eliminate shame in all but extreme circumstances. While Culture Secretary Maria Miller had to be wrestled to the ground by Black Rod and sat upon by the Deputy Speaker in order to elicit the ‘mildest apology’, other MPs have confessed to not being ‘remotely mortified’ when caught ‘farting in a lift’, ‘masturbating in front of their parents’ or ‘voting for’ any Coalition policy.

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Posted: Apr 8th, 2014
More from Politics



Criminals to police themselves

The government is to introduce self-policing for UK law breakers. Unveiling the radical new scheme, government spokesman, Maria Miller, explained; ‘The old saying is ‘it takes a thief to catch a thief’ and this measure is simply an extension of how Parliament itself works. That system has met with such universal approval from the British public, that it seemed logical to trust people who continually try and avoid the police to henceforth police themselves.

The scheme, which has been launched to coincide with the beginning of the new avoiding-tax year, will involve muggers, burglars, car thieves and investment bankers being charged with making sure that no laws are breaking in the course of their law-breaking.

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Posted: Apr 6th, 2014
More from UK News



Culture Secretary blasted with Cameron’s ‘full confidence’

The Culture Secretary Maria Miller’s position is said to be ‘untenable’ today after the Prime Minister was forced to express full confidence in her actions.

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Posted: Apr 6th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Conservatives call for more ‘welfare murders’

‘Claimants should be prepared to murder, and if their tragic multiple victims are also on benefits, then we have a win-win situation’

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Posted: Apr 5th, 2014
More from From The Archives



Nick Clegg to resort to ‘mum jokes’ in all future live debates

"I agree with Nick"Crestfallen Nick Clegg has been advised by his publicists to adopt a more ‘ruthless approach’ in all future live debates, by resorting to ‘mum jokes’ when backed into a corner by his opponent.

Clegg’s recent debate with UKIP’s Nigel Farage on Britain and the EU, televised live on BBC Two, resulted in UKIP storming home with a massive 68% of votes in a snap YouGov survey, leaving the Lib Dems with no other choice than to court the ‘mum joke’ vote.

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Posted: Apr 3rd, 2014
More from Politics