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Posts Tagged ‘David Cameron’

Fine weather my doing, say all party leaders

turn out's nice againAs days of unusually warm and sunny weather followed on from the first party leaders’ debate, the leaders themselves have been arguing about who deserves the most credit for it.

‘I arranged for the fair weather to start today,’ said David Cameron. ‘I pledge that the next Conservative government will continue to improve the weather in real terms over the next five years.’ He looked annoyed when George Osborne suggested that he had, in fact, created the ‘right climate’ for the good weather.

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Posted: Apr 7th, 2015
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Conservatives call for more ‘welfare murders’

‘If their tragic multiple victims are also on benefits, then we have a win-win situation’

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Posted: Apr 7th, 2015
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Second leaders’ debate to include interpretative dance

‘Frankly I don’t think I put my case across as well as I could have,’ said David Cameron, announcing that interpretive dance would be part of the second party leaders’ election date. ‘Samantha suggested this because she thinks I’m a real smooth mover.’

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Posted: Apr 6th, 2015
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Boris Johnson launches new ‘Bicycle-Water-Cannons-For-Hire’ scheme

feel the power‘I have already spent the day hosing down the hoi polloi.’

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Posted: Apr 6th, 2015
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Why people hate me for being beautiful, by David Cameron

‘I’m a tall, well-spoken and handsome man with a confident demeanour. I know how lucky I am. But there are downsides to being this beautiful.’

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Posted: Apr 2nd, 2015
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