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Posts Tagged ‘David Cameron’

UK to send rolled up newspapers to Iraq, to swat flies

‘We asked for special forces, troops, tanks, planes and bullets, we got about thirty rolled up newspapers,’ moaned an Iraqi spokesman today. The Government admitted the supply of remaindered newspapers was ‘probably less than they wanted,’, but pointed out that they are also sending two corporals to train them to swat flies with the newspapers.

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Posted: Jun 8th, 2015
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Cameron returns from Euro break with a dose of the clap

'this is why Europe needs reform, and more sanitary lamposts'A sheepish Prime Minister has returned to Downing Street from his EU ‘whistle-stop’ tour with what can only be described as a bad case of sunstroke and a ‘mysterious rash’.

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Posted: Jun 5th, 2015
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Houses of Parliament identified as source of dark matter

CERN scientists have started drilling beneath Westminster in order to collect ‘high concentrations of anti-matter’. The levels being released into the community have been shown to be damaging to the public over large areas of Hackney and other North London boroughs as well as Tyneside.

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Posted: Jun 4th, 2015
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EU diplomatic ‘shit list’ drawn up by the Tourism Board, say Kremlin

Grab a bargain now before prices fall!A Russian foreign ministry official has today contradicted reports that a list of ‘banned’ politicians was a result of EU sanctions against Russia. ‘Not at all. It is a simple attempt to support our gentrification process by excluding undesirables who are likely to detract from Russia’s reputation as a lovely place to visit and live.’

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Posted: May 31st, 2015
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Disgrunted voters create the ‘Independence from the UK Independence Party Party’

someone has to make a standThey come over here…

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Posted: May 22nd, 2015
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