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Posts Tagged ‘David Cameron’

Passport backlog: thousands of Brits wanted a holiday in Cornwall all along

'Thank God Rick Stein's not around to see this'Tens of thousands of people who have had to cancel foreign holidays because of the passport backlog have realised that actually they wanted to go to Cornwall all along.

‘We’d booked two weeks on the Costa del Sol,’ said Fred Ashford, from Ashford, ‘but as soon as we knew our passports wouldn’t be ready, we reappraised the situation and found that foreign adventures probably weren’t for us at this time. It turned out that our ideal holiday destination, in terms of climate, food, relaxation, home from home facilities and all that, was Newquay. And if it pisses down all week again, who cares? I intend to have lots of fun in this new pot-bellied surfing wetsuit I bought by not paying £55 each to speed up the passport application.’

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Posted: Jun 12th, 2014
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Cameron acts swiftly to deal with controversial ‘anti-homeless spikes’

A crack squad of Indian fakirs have been flown in to the UK to teach the homeless how to have a good night’s sleep on the 2-inch-long metal spikes which have sprung up all over the UK’s capital to deter rough sleeping in doorways.

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Posted: Jun 9th, 2014
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Nick Clegg to play with tiny steering wheel during Prime Minister’s Questions

he can make all the noises, tooCan use the toy steering wheel to turn left and turn right in accordance with prevailing government policy.

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Posted: Jun 6th, 2014
More from From The Archives



UK economic activity statistics to include contract killings

Funds received by gang lords for nefarious activities such as people trafficking and contract killings are to be included as part of the UK’s economic activity say the ONS. VAT exempt financial transactions such as arson, protection money, kidnap ransoms and extortion will also be included in the measures although money laundering will not be included for another two years.

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Posted: May 30th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Miliband to attend earth creature re-assembly clinic

Venusian high command have recalled their latest human android for adjustment after it failed the ‘eating normal food’ test.

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Posted: May 27th, 2014
More from News In Brief