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Posts Tagged ‘David Cameron’

Caligula enquiry approaches conclusion

Home Secretary Theresa May has announced that the Suetonius Report into alleged historical sexual abuse in AD 37 – 41 is nearing its conclusion, and that publication is ‘imminent’.

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Posted: Dec 24th, 2014
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Theresa May announces delay to the ’1980s Paedophile cover-up’

Theresa May announced today that the cover-up into 1980s child abuse will be delayed due to the amount of evidence that needs to be destroyed before the inquiry can begin.

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Posted: Dec 23rd, 2014
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Prime Minister’s Rhetorical Question Time gets off to good start

In a move set to streamline parliamentary business and leave Mr Cameron more time to spend with his family, eager MPs will now compete with each other to address pointless questions to an empty podium for half an hour.

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Posted: Dec 23rd, 2014
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Sony to fire film reels into North Korea in retaliation

Sony has vowed to retaliate against the ‘unwarranted hacking’ of its computer system by North Korea by moving a battery of film reel launchers up to the 38th parallel. ‘If they think The Candidate was disrespectful, wait until we lob copies of Bad Haircut, one of Ryan Sommers Baum’s best roles,’ a spokesman said.

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Posted: Dec 19th, 2014
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Clegg ‘in tears’ after Cameron reveals truth about Santa

it's really going to hurt when he reaises Lib Dem voters don't exist eitherNick Clegg is reported to have fled the Cabinet Briefing Room in tears today following an ‘emotional’ and ‘frank’ discussion with David Cameron about Father Christmas.

‘I told Dave to stop,’ said Vince Cable, ‘but he seemed to be enjoying Nick’s discomfort a little too much. He had this sly little smile on his face. George Osborne was there too, warming his backside against the fire and throwing in snide comments about the Tooth Fairy.’

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Posted: Dec 9th, 2014
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