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Posts Tagged ‘Death’

‘Death on holiday’ tops list of things no-one has sympathy for

It'll be fine...Summer marks that time of year when British holidaymakers begin their annual cull of the most idiotic by leaping drunkenly from balconies, ignoring ski helmets or combining scuba diving with outboard motors. Those unable to afford such expensive jaunts, naturally, respond with the same levels of commiseration normally reserved for small children banging their heads on tables after being told not to run.

So apathetic are our levels of sympathy for the newly deceased on holiday that one sociologist commentated: ‘Being eaten by wild animals is natural selection for the rich, as a person of average income would never see a polar bear outside of a zoo. For those on a tight budget, they are now equating death on safari with voting for Nick Clegg – something you just brought on yourself.’

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Posted: Sep 9th, 2014
More from Lifestyle



Pensioners helpfully reminded ‘your days are numbered’

Pensions Minister Steve Webb has proposed that all of the UK’s OAPs should be given a stark reality check in terms of life expectancy.
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Posted: Apr 18th, 2014
More from Health



Lung cancer still looks ‘way cool’, say scientists

exclusive club, but always open to new membersScientists and ‘guys with leather jackets’ have hailed the number of smokers across the world reaching the one billion mark as a ringing endorsement of nicotine, pulmonary disease, Dot Cotton and everyone who has appeared in a French film ever.

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Posted: Jan 15th, 2014
More from Health



Cancer still fatal despite NHS Facebook page

‘Fatal diseases are still by-passing our leafleting campaigns,’ admitted Health Minister Jeremy Hunt. ‘The NHS leads the world in leafleting and our use of Facebook as a distribution medium is world-class, so the latest figures are particularly disappointing.’

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Posted: Dec 10th, 2013
More from News In Brief



Humanity needs hope to cope with fear of eternal life, says Dawkins

death now excluded as an optionRichard Dawkins has today admitted that his apparent belief in a bleak godless existence is all a lie founded on a fear of the afterlife. He says that people simply cannot accept that their eternal soul is going to live on indefinitely, even after their physical bodies rot.

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Posted: Oct 31st, 2013
More from Faith