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Posts Tagged ‘Death’

Cancer still fatal despite NHS Facebook page

‘Fatal diseases are still by-passing our leafleting campaigns,’ admitted Health Minister Jeremy Hunt. ‘The NHS leads the world in leafleting and our use of Facebook as a distribution medium is world-class, so the latest figures are particularly disappointing.’

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Posted: Dec 10th, 2013
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IKEA fire claims 130 stuck on way through

The blaze took hold slowly over the course of 20 minutes, during which many of the fatalities were observed on CCTV developing a morbid urge to keep perusing. 100 of the dead were found with a packet of scented tea lights, a set of pillow cases and a Malmosk.

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Posted: Sep 27th, 2013
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Half of UK population ‘will die in the future’

At least half of the current UK population will die of something fatal at some point in the future, a stark new medical report has suggested.

Eternal Life Research Group Plc., which commissioned the report, has said that the country is facing a ‘medical time bomb’ and the Government needs to take action now.

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Posted: Jun 8th, 2013
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Train suicide man delayed on journey to Heaven by live man on the rail

Shortly after his death Mr Rackly was heard to remark to his fellow travellers in the afterlife that the delay was ‘bloody typical’, that the live man on the rail showed ‘no consideration’ and that he would be ‘haunting his arse’.

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Posted: Apr 30th, 2012
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35-year-old man still searching for the ‘farm’ his childhood dog was sent to

‘I’ve searched all the farms locally, but I still haven’t found any evidence that Buttons lived there. All I can think is that my parents had to send him to a farm a bit further afield.’

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Posted: Nov 2nd, 2011
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