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Posts Tagged ‘debt’

Loan shark spotted off coast of Cornwall

Following a recent survey of marine wildlife off the coast of Cornwall police are investigating reports than an illegal money-lender, or ‘loan shark’, may have been sighted patrolling shallow waters in Newquay bay.

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Posted: Jul 30th, 2015
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Greek credit rating identified as new pentaquark particle

Tsipras particle only discovered last yearScientists at the Large Hadron Collider (LHCb) have announced the discovery of one the smallest forms of matter, that of Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras’ savings account. Having already transformed into a financial ‘black hole’, the Greek economy is now comparable in size to George Osborne’s conscience, Donald Trump’s Presidential chance or how much anyone cares about the new series of ‘True Detective’.

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Posted: Jul 14th, 2015
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Putin sends topless pics in bid to woo Greece

President of Russia Vladimir Putin has stepped up his campaign to get Greece away from the European Union by dropping 10 million photocopied pictures of himself posing atop a big white horse onto the country.

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Posted: Jun 22nd, 2015
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Wonga definitely not planning to shore-up business with loan from itself

Wonga has said that it wouldn’t touch itself with a fucking barge pole, despite recently announcing that its profits have plummeted by more than half.

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Posted: Oct 2nd, 2014
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George Osborne owes the Littlewoods’ catalogue £25bn

The Chancellor today admitted to what is now looking like ‘an horrendous Christmas overspend’. Threatening to cut the welfare budget after the next election, Mr. Osborne confessed that he may have been profligate with the Babycham for Theresa May, discount hotel vouchers for William Hague and the Blackadder boxset for Michael Gove.

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Posted: Jan 7th, 2014
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