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Posts Tagged ‘Department for Education’

Primary schools ‘completely unprepared’ for first generation of Baby Einsteins

non-Euclidean geometry proving to be a bit tough for the other 5-year-olds‘There’s no way we can deal with classroom after classroom of certifiable prodigies. We’re used to teaching basic literacy skills and colouring-in, not advanced calculus and the history of the Bauhaus.’

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Posted: Mar 18th, 2014
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Michael Gove unveils revisionist history syllabus featuring “World War Fun!”

Your country needs ME!Education Secretary Michael Gove has announced changes to the history GCSE syllabus that will reflect ‘a more accurate and balanced’ view of World War One as a bit of jolly fun instead of a four-year cataclysmic bloodbath that drained the nation’s power and prestige and caused untold mental and physical suffering to millions.

The traditional view of the so-called ‘Great War’ as four years of futile barbaric slaughter is wrong, says Gove. ‘Historicans and commentators have long been calling for a “debunking” of wartime myths,’ he insisted. ‘At least, the ones I’ve been paying to advise me have. And that’s enough.’

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Posted: Feb 13th, 2014
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Gove apologises for selling school PE teachers

As many as 48 PE teachers may have been unlawfully sold by the Department for Education, new figures reveal.

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Posted: Aug 17th, 2012
More from News In Brief



Teenage pregnancy tests must get harder, orders Gove

But some critics point out that the test is already unpopular. ‘Most teenagers will only piss on a stick if it’s being filmed for a dodgy website,’ said a spokeswoman for one pregnancy testing service.

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Posted: Aug 13th, 2012
More from News In Brief



Alphabet reordered ‘to reflect demands of 21st Century’


Getting from A to B is now much more difficult.

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Posted: Jun 9th, 2011
More from Features