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Posts Tagged ‘Department of Health’

Lonely people on ‘red alert’ as Jeremy Hunt threatens to spend time with them

‘I’ll be a little like Father Christmas. Emptying my burgeoning sack of ‘good company’ into your smiling face’, declared the Secretary of State for Health.

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Posted: Oct 21st, 2013
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NHS 111 service to be restricted to well people

‘Ill people have the unfortunate effect of clogging up the health system, and they can really bring down the people in the call centre with their constant winging,’ said a Government spokesman.

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Posted: Jul 30th, 2013
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NHS to start publishing surgeons’ golf handicaps

‘The public have the right to know how their surgeon is performing on the fairways and the greens,’ said Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt.

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Posted: Jun 28th, 2013
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Half of UK population ‘will die in the future’

At least half of the current UK population will die of something fatal at some point in the future, a stark new medical report has suggested.

Eternal Life Research Group Plc., which commissioned the report, has said that the country is facing a ‘medical time bomb’ and the Government needs to take action now.

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Posted: Jun 8th, 2013
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NHS starts search for new incompetent and uncaring chief executive

The government has started a world-wide search for someone entirely devoid of compassion and clueless enough to replace Sir David Nicholson as chief executive of the NHS.

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Posted: May 22nd, 2013
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