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Posts Tagged ‘Department of Health’

NHS starts search for new incompetent and uncaring chief executive

The government has started a world-wide search for someone entirely devoid of compassion and clueless enough to replace Sir David Nicholson as chief executive of the NHS.

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Posted: May 22nd, 2013
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Man disappointed as fag packet contains no tumour

‘Imagine my disappointment at finding 20 cigarettes in place of the moist tumour I’d seen advertised on TV,’ said customer Matthew Arlington.

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Posted: Jan 3rd, 2013
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Committees to take up job of declaring people dead

Following an increase in the death rate among people forced into poverty, the government has announced plans to switch the job of declaring people dead from doctors to an independent team of assessors.

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Posted: Nov 22nd, 2011
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Dumpiness epidemic caused by widescreen TVs, say experts

remoteThe increasing numbers of squat and dumpy children in British families is not due to poor diets and a lack of exercise as first thought but is, experts believe, a symptom of the proliferation of widescreen televisions in the nation’s homes.

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Posted: Aug 8th, 2011
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Cameron to discuss NHS reforms with GPs ‘as soon as he can get an appointment’

‘I tried calling as soon as their surgeries opened at 9 o’clock, but was told I was 14th in the queue.’

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Posted: Jan 18th, 2011
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