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Posts Tagged ‘deportation’

European Court rules God cannot cast Lucifer out of Heaven

The omnipresent supreme being, God, has expressed his disappointment after the European Court refused to overturn a ruling preventing him from casting out the senior radical anticleric Lucifer, commonly known as Satan, from Heaven.

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Posted: Apr 26th, 2013
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Abu Qatada stays, everyone else goes, rules government

now ruler of all he surveysThe government has signed a mutual assistance treaty with Jordan to ensure that radical cleric Abu Qatada can stay in the UK while 62.64 million British citizens are deported to Jordan, Theresa May has told MPs.

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Posted: Apr 24th, 2013
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Abu Qatada ‘surprised but delighted’ with free holiday win

Muslim Cleric Abu Qatada spoke of his shock at winning a free holiday to a mystery destination earlier today.

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Posted: Nov 13th, 2012
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May to deport Timmy Mallett instead ‘as a kind of consolation’

‘Ok, he’s not suspected of anything, apart from being a bit annoying, but I’m sure he hasn’t got lawyers as good as Qatada’s, so hopefully it’ll all go through a bit more smoothly.’

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Posted: Apr 24th, 2012
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Abu Qatada to improve public image with ‘I’m A Celebrity’ appearance

looking forward to persuading kangaroo's testicles to follow different ideological route‘Abu is looking forward to eating testicles in the jungle, as long as they’re halal.’

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Posted: Feb 9th, 2012
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