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Posts Tagged ‘Diamond Jubilee’

Man announces intention to boycott Diamond Jubilee celebrations

Fred Ashcroft has ignored every royal celebration since the Queen’s coronation in 1953, which he spent drowning cats in a nearby canal.

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Posted: Jun 3rd, 2012
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Re-using Jubilee flags for Olympics ‘would be act of treason’, warns LOCOG

‘These flags we’ve seen everywhere for the Jubilee are sometimes home-made and usually completely devoid of sponsorship logos,’ said Lord Coe.

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Posted: Jun 2nd, 2012
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Royal Jubilee engagements causing backlog of unopened supermarkets

Supermarket giants including Tesco and Sainsbury’s have led angry calls for the Royal Family to ‘stop fannying about for the Jubilee’ after news emerged that forty fully-stocked supermarkets have been left unopened for months.

‘We’ve been continuing to expand our operations across the United Kingdom,’ said Tesco chief executive Philip Clarke. ‘But since this Diamond Jubilee nonsense started, we’ve been left with 17 stores ready to go but unopened because the Royals are all booked up reading the weather or dancing with Usain Bolt in Jamaica or sailing down the bloody Thames.’

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Posted: Jun 1st, 2012
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Duchess of Cambridge shames austerity Britain by wearing frock for second time

‘It’s a royal lesson in how to make do in hard times,’ said royals watcher Desmond Burke of the Duchess’s decision to re-use the £1,200 dress.

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Posted: May 31st, 2012
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After 60 years of work, Windsor woman can’t retire due to ‘useless son’

An 86-year-old Windsor woman who has worked for 60 years may have to continue working into her nineties because her son is ‘an absolutely useless twat’, according to Age UK.

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Posted: May 28th, 2012
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