The Director of Public Prosecutions has confirmed that new suicide guidelines will be based on how annoying the deceased is, and how inventive the method of killing.
Posted: Feb 25th, 2010
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Social networking site Friends Reunited is optimistic it can attract users from the 80+ demographic, through a sponsorship deal with assisted suicide facilitators Dignitas. ‘Our research shows many old people enjoy nothing more than keeping up with which of their old friends and enemies have passed away, and we’re delighted to be providing them with this news online,’ said a spokesman, ‘if we can then upsell the idea that maybe they might like to think about joining their old school pals via a luxury trip to Switzerland, all the better.’
Posted: Aug 12th, 2009
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A new clinic in the heart of Geneva is offering suicidal patients the chance to end it all in style with its range of dramatic role-play curtain-calls. An offshoot of the famous Swiss euthanasia clinic, Indignitas has developed a range of deals for those who don’t want to slip away quietly, including re-enactments of celebrity deaths and summary executions after a staged miscarriage of justice for those who feel life has dealt them a bad hand.
A Swiss man paralysed five years ago in a skiing accident has chosen to end his life early in the UK after shunning the local suicide clinic a few minutes drive from his home. ‘I want to end my life,’ said Max Friedland today, ‘but I don’t want to actually commit suicide. Which is why I have chosen a routine minor operation in an NHS hospital.’
Friedland, has an appointment in February at a London hospital for the removal of a benign mole on his back. ‘I am hoping that this short overnight stay coupled with the surgery will be enough for me to contract one of the many viruses present in NHS hospitals, C Diff, Norovirus, MRSA, I don’t mind as long as death is quick and relatively pain free.’
