The channel has been forced to show back-to-back emergency filler material, including repeats of the repeats of ‘Chris Barrie’s Massive Engines,’ a ‘what-if?’ show postulating what would happen if Nostradamus were to meet Rasputin and a fly-on-the-wall documentary about shark-obsessed film makers.

TV insiders say the History Channel is also dangerously close to exhausting its reserves of World War II material and is relying on more obscure aspects wartime history. Tonight sees another chance to catch their repeat documentary ‘How rationing affected Mrs. Wilson of Northampton’s Dundee cake recipe’.

‘Wildebeeste are highly evolved, highly successful animals with varied lives,’ said Mmnyorrggh, a nine-year old bull from the Masai Mara. ‘But do you ever get to see us graze, rear our young or play headbutting? No, there’s never any cameras around then – but just wait till we cross lion territory or crocodile-infested rivers and you can barely move without stepping on one.’

Many wildebeeste have also criticized the way that photographers vie to record their members being eaten by predators as ‘grossly insensitive’. Whilst they accept that large mammals have to adapt to the multi-media age, they are calling for the cameras to stop rolling at a certain point. ‘Don’t we deserve some dignity in our last moments?’ said Mmnyorrggh. ‘If it isn’t stressful enough being in a high-speed chase across the savannah, getting forced to the ground by razor-sharp claws, choked in the grip of a lioness’s mouth, ripped apart and eaten while your heart is still pumping blood, you also have to die knowing this whole spectacle is going to be watched on the Discovery Channel by some fat family sitting around eating pizzas.’

Lions, however, have dismissed the wildebeeste’s claims. They believe that any negative images of herbivores are largely the result of their own stupidity. ‘We worked out ages ago that a camera crew nearby means it’s lunchtime but those morons still don’t get it.’ A wildebeeste delegation agreed to meet with a number of lions to discuss the ‘stupid’ accusation, but no conclusions have yet emerged. Though a number of fat looking lions were seen later leaving the venue, licking their lips and belching.