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B&Q to close 60 ‘argument zones’
Kingfisher, parent company of B&Q and the ironically titled ‘Screwfix’, has announced it plans to phase out some of its least ‘maritally fractious’ stores. [read...]
Tagged DIY
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Man wildly optimistic ahead of flat pack assembly
A man with no DIY experience has set aside around 15 minutes to assemble a 300 piece cabin bed this weekend. Having glanced through the 36-page instruction booklet, 40-year-old Nick Ferguson plans to start the job at around 6pm on Saturday and will definitely be done by quarter past if not slightly before. [read...]
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DIY show does makeover for normal, healthy family
Viewers of a DIY makeover show were left a little bemused last night as they watched the transformation of a house occupied by a normal healthy family [read...]
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DIY worshippers demand closure of churches on Sunday
Worshippers of the gods of tinkering, pottering and fixing up have pledged to oppose moves to extend church opening times, and to defend Sundays as a ‘designated day for hardware-based activities.’
Rev Stephen ‘Bodger’ Davis of the Church of the Holy Dremmel, [read...]
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Impotent man has best kept house on street
Roger Jameson, a 57-year-old chartered surveyor from Ryde in the Isle of Wight, who has been suffering with impotence for the last four months, has recently thrown himself into a frenzy of DIY and household chores in an attempt to hide the problem from his ‘delighted’ wife Sheila, [read...]