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Posts Tagged ‘doctors’

‘A&E targets could be met if we stopped treating patients,’ doctors say

‘We’ve made fantastic progress,’ said a senior A&E consultant, referring to the news that the NHS was missing fewer targets than in November. ‘First we started locking the doors, then we gave everybody a couple of aspirin and told them to fuck off. Most never returned, so they were clearly putting it on.’

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Posted: Jan 25th, 2015
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Waiting times to assault NHS staff ‘have tripled’, finds study

free-for-all at the point of needThe latest report on the performance of the NHS has found a familiar but depressing picture of Accident and Emergency rooms full of people who have waited up to three hours to launch an unprovoked physical attack on a medical orderly or nurse.

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Posted: Dec 11th, 2014
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Doctor’s receptionists now better qualified than doctors, says NHS

‘It can be embarrassing at times,’ said one patient, ‘having to remove my trousers and underpants in the waiting room so that the receptionist could see the suppurating pustules on the end of my knob.’

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Posted: Sep 30th, 2014
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Challenging day for Dr Christian as his mum appears on Embarrassing Bodies

Diagnosis: Run Away!!!‘He just clammed up and looked very strange as soon as I started explaining about my thick smelly discharge.’

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Posted: Sep 27th, 2014
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Love doctors ‘working longer hours than ever’

Oooh! Carry on MatronThe NHS has come under fire after a Panorama programme showed that it is ‘systematically failing’ lovesick Britons by cutting the number of ‘leurve’ doctors trained to deliver emotional and erotic first aid.

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Posted: Aug 30th, 2014
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