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Posts Tagged ‘drinking’

Met Office refuses to apologise for getting forecast right

‘The computer had to go back to Amstrad to have the memory chips upgraded to four megabytes,’ explained the senior officer on duty, ‘so we had to pull out the maps, crayons, seaweed, everything.’

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Posted: Mar 14th, 2014
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Royals uphold tradition of getting w*nkered after christening

next one to be held in Las VegasThe royal bender, which lasted ‘well into the evening’, according to seasoned observers, finally came to an end when Thames Valley Police fished a number of semi-naked royals from the banks of the River Thames.

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Posted: Oct 27th, 2013
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Minimum alcohol pricing could leave tramps ‘dangerously lucid’ warn experts

all in thish tergetherWith a typical family bottle of ASDA Smart Price vodka set to double in cost, some tramps are already recalling what they did last night, and wandering what the smell is.

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Posted: May 25th, 2012
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‘Squeezed middle’ using economic news reports for ‘dangerous’ drinking games

Across the country those returning from work or those who have been home all day because they’ve lost their jobs are reportedly using news reports on the financial crisis as stimulus for ‘dangerous’ drinking games.

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Posted: Nov 29th, 2011
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Police to seek more hard-drinking detectives who don’t play it by the book

Scotland Yard has announced drastic plans to fast track a special breed of unorthodox, heavy drinking, rule-breaking detectives with an uncanny knack of bringing scumbags to justice, despite not playing by the rules.

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Posted: Nov 21st, 2011
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