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Mexican standoff at Weston-super-Mare roundabout reaches third day
‘I think we’re going to be stuck here forever, and I’m running low on boiled sweets.’ [read...]
Tagged drivers
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Delivery company trials new ‘couldn’t be arsed to deliver your package’ leaflet
Delivery company ‘White Van Logistix’ have announced they are redesigning the leaflets that their drivers leave behind when they are unable to make a delivery ‘to bring an unprecedented degree of honesty to the domestic parcel transportation solutions market’. [read...]
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Ministers to consider raising the speed of light
‘Increasing the speed limit would reduce the journey time from the sun to the earth from its current sluggish 8 minutes and 19 seconds, bringing enormous economic benefits by increasing the amount of sunlight we receive and potentially lengthening the day.’ [read...]
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Major delays for depressives after abyss closed for essential repairs
Highways Agency announced that the vast chasm of gloom has been closed in order to perform ‘essential maintenance work’. [read...]
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Audi to recall 2.1 million drivers
‘We’ve been installing twat-detecting software in our cars that by-pass the normal rules of road courtesy,’ admitted a VW Audi spokesman, after issuing a recall on all 2.1 million of the UK’s Audi drivers. They will be required to book an appointment with their local VW Audi agent who will blast a hole the size of a pineapple in their heads using a 12 bore shotgun. [read...]