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Major delays for depressives after abyss closed for essential repairs
Highways Agency announced that the vast chasm of gloom has been closed in order to perform ‘essential maintenance work’. [read...]
Tagged drivers
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Audi to recall 2.1 million drivers
‘We’ve been installing twat-detecting software in our cars that by-pass the normal rules of road courtesy,’ admitted a VW Audi spokesman, after issuing a recall on all 2.1 million of the UK’s Audi drivers. They will be required to book an appointment with their local VW Audi agent who will blast a hole the size of a pineapple in their heads using a 12 bore shotgun. [read...]
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Non-queueing licence renewed for BMW drivers
The Department of Transport has confirmed that BMW drivers will continue to be exempt from queueing at roadworks for a further year. ‘We try to give a good half mile notice of lane closures so that non-BMWs can get out of the way, [read...]
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Shit parking ‘OK’ with hazard lights says council
Nantwich fire fighters also took to Twitter to retract their initial frustration about not being able to get through to fight a fire at B&M’s, as they made the same error as the council in missing the lights. [read...]
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Drivers to spend that extra ten minutes abusing traffic wardens
‘Fantastic news,’ said London motorist Gary Barnes. ‘I’ll make sure I’m back at my car bang on time and hope that there’s a traffic warden around that I can tell to fuck off. I’ll be in my car bang on the ten-minute mark and drive off with the window down, [read...]