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Posts Tagged ‘drugs’

Public to be trained to give drug advice to muggers

not to be taken on an empty stomach, so mug lunch off someone firstMembers of the public are to be trained to give pharmaceutical advice to drug-users before their medicine is stolen from them by junkies, under new proposals from the Department of Health.

‘It’s a thorny issue,’ said Bill Wilkins, one of the government’s top advisors on health-related issues, ‘but the reality is that the amount of prescription drugs being handed over on the street under duress has tripled in a year. Thousands of people being mugged at knifepoint for their painkillers are falling down badly in terms of their duty of care. Some of them are also falling down badly if they get stabbed, but that’s another issue’

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Posted: Sep 22nd, 2014
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Prince Charles busted in ‘Operation Poppyseed’ dawn raid

Minutes later several horses were taken into care from Princess Anne’s mansion at Gatcombe Park after testing positive for heroin.

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Posted: Jul 23rd, 2014
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MP warns against danger of children downloading e-cigarettes from internet

‘I’ve even heard of one 10-year-old who was rushed to A&E with ten megabytes of e-nicotine in his system.’

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Posted: Jun 16th, 2014
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Massive binge leads cultural leaders to call for legalisation of drugs

Branson pickledBranson asked if someone wouldn’t mind popping down to the garage to get ‘some of those crisps in the big green packet’.

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Posted: Jun 5th, 2014
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Pharmaceutical companies to promote drugs through interpretative dance

Following a new swathe of bribery and corruption allegations being levelled at Glaxo Smithkline, the pharmaceutical industry has announced that henceforth it plans to promote its products through the power of ‘ribbons’, ‘spandex body suits’ and a judicious sprinkling of ‘jazz hands’.

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Posted: Apr 26th, 2014
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