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Posts Tagged ‘Duchess of Cornwall’

Royal Jubilee engagements causing backlog of unopened supermarkets

Supermarket giants including Tesco and Sainsbury’s have led angry calls for the Royal Family to ‘stop fannying about for the Jubilee’ after news emerged that forty fully-stocked supermarkets have been left unopened for months.

‘We’ve been continuing to expand our operations across the United Kingdom,’ said Tesco chief executive Philip Clarke. ‘But since this Diamond Jubilee nonsense started, we’ve been left with 17 stores ready to go but unopened because the Royals are all booked up reading the weather or dancing with Usain Bolt in Jamaica or sailing down the bloody Thames.’

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Posted: Jun 1st, 2012
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Queen to ditch 100th-birthday messages after stamp price hike

‘The cheeky buggers at one’s Royal Mail are trying to charge one 60p a throw to send a quick hello to the old dears who have managed to live through the Blitz, swine flu, dementia and the NHS – they must be having a laugh with one.’

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Posted: Apr 18th, 2012
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Austerity-conscious Queen downgrades 2012 Jubilee to ‘Diamonique’

Buckingham Palace has today announced that the Queen ‘wishes to recognise the fragile state of the economy’ by downgrading her Jubilee celebrations next year from diamond to diamonique.

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Posted: Jun 3rd, 2011
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