Observers are watching in horror as satellite footage shows Earth slowing down and wobbling under the weight of millions of over-eating slobs. Shocked scientists have confirmed that last Wednesday was 32 hours long, while 2021 is set to last until March 2022. [read...]
The Earth has announced plans to appoint a new advertising agency, following the failure of the current agency – Assorted Greens – to hit any of their targets in the past 50 years. “We’re looking for an agency to make the Earth sexy”, [read...]
Climate scientists have concluded that it is the amount of humans on the planet that is the cause of climate change, not what they do. ‘If there were, say, a dozen or so humans then things wouldn’t be so bad,’ [read...]
A scientist has suggested that there is an elevated chance of a large piece of space debris smashing into the Earth at any time. Mike Jones, a junior astrophysicist, said today that in the short period he has been employed on asteroid watch duties he’d noticed a near miss ‘virtually every night.’ [read...]
Fred Helm, Chairman of the Flat Earth Society, has announced that the venerable society has gone ‘truly global – we’ve got branches all around the globe,’ he said today. [read...]
