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Posts Tagged ‘Easter’

Fresh evidence suggests that Jesus actually turned water into wine and chocolate

Chocolate: it's a bloody miracleArguments against the over-commercialisation of Easter were questioned today after it was revealed that Jesus, being able to do anything, had actually distributed chocolate as well as wine among his disciples in a previously unchronicled miracle.

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Posted: Apr 4th, 2015
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Katie Hopkins to be crucified on Good Friday to redeem sins of mankind

forgive them for they know not what they do, but if they follow my 15 point plan...The Church of England’s first female bishop has confirmed that celebrity Antichrist Katie Hopkins is to be executed on the cross on Good Friday, April 3. Against the backdrop of yet another cosmologically inconsequential but newsworthy Twitter spat, the Right Reverend Libby Lane preached that this was humanity’s last chance to find eternal salvation.

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Posted: Mar 4th, 2015
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Stations of the Cross closed – replacement buses brought in

Stations 6 and 7 of the Cross, currently closed for refurbishment, will not be ready for use this Easter due to unforeseen problems with sub-contractors.

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Posted: Apr 21st, 2014
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NHS resurrection performance slammed

The NHS is failing to meet government targets to raise people from the dead according to a new report from the NHS watchdog Nicene.

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Posted: Apr 14th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Outrage in Calvary as emergency services took three days to respond

Angry residents are demanding an immediate investigation into the case of a crucified man with serious injuries to his hands, feet and side who had to wait three days for paramedics to arrive on the scene.

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Posted: Mar 30th, 2013
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