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Posts Tagged ‘Easter’

Christian festival to be moved to avoid clash with Christmas

Satanic market forces at work‘In hindsight choosing 25th December was a mistake. We thought it would be a great time to have the festival – practically everyone’s off work for Christmas and the schools are closed. But in reality people are far too busy eating too much, getting pissed, trying to cop off at office parties and watching the My Family Christmas special.’

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Posted: Dec 8th, 2011
More from Faith



Jesus suspended for wearing cross at work

Health and safety decided it could cause a bit of painful chafingJesus of Nazareth was suspended today after wearing a cross to work. Simon, also known as Peter, or Rocky to his mates, sales manager of a small collective of preachers and miracle workers, said their founder and chief executive Jesus had been behaving increasingly irrationally recently and yesterday had abandoned the group during a breakout session in the Garden of Gethsemane.

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Posted: Apr 21st, 2011
More from World News



Crucifixion of Jesus ‘may have been a DIY accident’

Joseph taught him everything he knew about popping it in the right hole‘He may have got in a tangle attempting to put up some shelves’

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Posted: Jun 24th, 2010
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Planning permission loophole scuppers crucifixion of Jesus

Jesus Christ was freed today after it transpired that planning laws prevented the erection at Calvary of temporary or permanent structures, such as large wooden crosses.

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Posted: Apr 2nd, 2010
More from News In Brief



Bookies celebrate as Jesus loses Jerusalem’s Got Talent

Leper he cured in show three turned out to be a stoogeFans of ‘Jerusalem’s Got Talent’ were left reeling yesterday following the news that the runaway bookies’ favourite Jesus Christ had been beaten into second place by notorious criminal Barabbas.

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Posted: Apr 1st, 2010
More from Arts/Entertainment, Faith