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Posts Tagged ‘Ebola’

MRC announces £70 million research fund for paper cuts

‘Our top three research priorities for 2015 are cancer, dementia and paper cuts’ said Professor Jenkins, Director of Research at the Medical Research Council. ‘Medically speaking, there’s nothing worse than a paper cut so logically it should be our number one priority, but bloody cancer gets all the publicity.’

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Posted: Jan 2nd, 2015
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Doctors to fight Ebola virus with NHS food

As yet there is no known cure for Ebola but the doctor in charge of the case has said he is yet to find anything that is able to survive a dose of NHS macaroni cheese and a follow up course of lukewarm apple pie and custard-like liquid.

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Posted: Jan 1st, 2015
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Ebola latest: Outbreak of ‘deep fried’ jokes in England deemed racist

Culture authorities throughout England are on high alert due to the sudden rise of jokes based on the Scottish originated and much maligned practice of deep frying, for human consumption, items not originally intended for such treatment. The Mars Bar is probably the best known example.

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Posted: Dec 30th, 2014
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Ebola promises to stop if Bob Geldof does

The highly contagious Ebola virus has issued a statement today announcing that it will stop causing pain and suffering throughout West Africa and the rest of the world if Sir Bob Geldof does the same.

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Posted: Nov 19th, 2014
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Ebola to take on MRSA in world title showdown

It’s the bout everyone’s been waiting for: Ebola ‘The Kidney Musher’ versus Britain’s very own home-grown bacterium, MRSA ‘The Superbug’. The two contenders are to meet in 16 days’ time at Mid Staffordshire Hospital or whatever it’s called by then, to fight for the undisputed title of the world’s baddest disease. And, predictably, the macho boasting has begun already.

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Posted: Oct 23rd, 2014
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