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Posts Tagged ‘Ebola’

Cancer seeks to improve its image

‘Look, I’ve done some things I’m not proud of, but who hasn’t’?’ said the malignant neoplasm, fiddling with someone’s DNA. ‘Isn’t it time for us all to move on? Plague doesn’t get such bad press anymore does it, and even Ebola is threatening to evolve.’

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Posted: Mar 3rd, 2015
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MRC announces £70 million research fund for paper cuts

‘Our top three research priorities for 2015 are cancer, dementia and paper cuts’ said Professor Jenkins, Director of Research at the Medical Research Council. ‘Medically speaking, there’s nothing worse than a paper cut so logically it should be our number one priority, but bloody cancer gets all the publicity.’

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Posted: Jan 2nd, 2015
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Doctors to fight Ebola virus with NHS food

As yet there is no known cure for Ebola but the doctor in charge of the case has said he is yet to find anything that is able to survive a dose of NHS macaroni cheese and a follow up course of lukewarm apple pie and custard-like liquid.

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Posted: Jan 1st, 2015
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Ebola latest: Outbreak of ‘deep fried’ jokes in England deemed racist

Culture authorities throughout England are on high alert due to the sudden rise of jokes based on the Scottish originated and much maligned practice of deep frying, for human consumption, items not originally intended for such treatment. The Mars Bar is probably the best known example.

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Posted: Dec 30th, 2014
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Ebola promises to stop if Bob Geldof does

The highly contagious Ebola virus has issued a statement today announcing that it will stop causing pain and suffering throughout West Africa and the rest of the world if Sir Bob Geldof does the same.

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Posted: Nov 19th, 2014
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