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Posts Tagged ‘economy’

Unemployment amongst toy-making elves reaches 11 month low

‘There was a huge and sudden drop in the demand for skilled toy-makers just after Christmas in 2011, which nobody saw coming. This hit one minority group particularly hard, namely elves. Some re-trained as jockeys but for many it has been a difficult year,’ said Mr Osborne.

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Posted: Nov 15th, 2012
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Restoration amateur ruins UK economy

going to give 110% from now on, like, d'uhThe man, in his early 40s, was reportedly upset at the way the economy had deteriorated over the years and took it upon himself to ‘restore’ it, with disastrous results.

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Posted: Aug 23rd, 2012
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DFS sale signals green shoots of economic recovery

In a surprise move, sofa retailer DFS announced today they are all set to buck the national trend of economic doom and gloom. The peddler of softwood, foam and velour seating confirmed that plans are well advanced to launch a massive cut price sale. Photographs of disconcertingly small lounging adults and children have been taken and advertising space has already been booked to carry uplifting messages of substantial savings across the range of comfortable armchairs, and two and three seaters, some in leather.

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Posted: Dec 27th, 2011
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Homeopathic economist suggests injecting ‘up to £1’ into economy

Renowned homeopathic economist Doctor Stephen Harliton has criticised recent attempts to solve the international financial crisis. “Conventional treatments don’t work, asking people to spend less is too rational.”

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Posted: Oct 14th, 2011
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48 trillion Nectar points to be put into the economy to boost recovery

you deserve it, you really do‘This recovery package will stimulate growth and ensure no-one misses out on double points when they spend over a tenner on personal hygiene products.’

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Posted: Oct 9th, 2011
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